Friends serial cheat husband.

[Fifife]

I'm really at the end of my tether , my friend has been married to her DH for 13 years they have two tween DC. She is 8 years older, successful good career lovely home. Her DH who has a hobby job he has cheated on her with sex workers while she was pregnant, then she caught him again when the children were a bit older.

She's just found a photo on his phone of a woman and found out about another affair. Shes taken him back after a few days for the childrens sake. She's installed a phone tracker , checks his phone and location. I'm usually her shoulder to cry on but I just can't do it anymore he's a grade A cunt and I'm expected to be civil to him. I just can't believe she's taken him back again.

Its her life, she is dealing with it and you don't want to support her? You are wrong to call yourself a friend

It's infuriating and frustrating but she will need a friend.
The more isolated she is, the less likely to walk away

It's amazing what some women will tolerate to be married.

I mean why would he stop when there's no consequences. He can get another phone abd continue his cheating if he really wants to and being the marriage police is exhausting.

Try and avoid him if you can.

I mean, yeah, he's a twat but isn't she sort of consenting to this behaviour by taking him back time and again? Also, what the hell kind of expectations is she setting for her kids? It's normal for mummy to have a phone tracker so she can try and stop daddy from visiting sex workers? It sounds like an utter hellscape.

I would not be civil to him, I would just ignore the prick. She is, as we all know, mad to take him back but that is her choice. You do not have to like him, not for her sake nor the kids sake. I would just walk past him and pretend he did not exist to be honest.

Just avoid being around him then you don’t have to be civil. Part of being a good friend is not being full of judgement while providing support though, it’s her life and she has to live it how she sees fit.

She needs therapy and even that may not help her.

If yoyre finding it too much, you can withdraw (leave it open for communication if she desperately needs it) but you have to protect your own mental health and happiness too.

Taking him back for the kids is rather flawed anyway. Kids are aware of under currents. Kids are aware when their parent is faking and is under tremendous strain etc due to mistreatment like this.

Anyway, it's completely understandable you're finding it too much ..... you can (and should) have as little or as much to do with her that you can handle.

I think if you love her as your friend, all you can do is be there for her (you don't have to agree with her), and don'y engage in any chit chat about him, unless its her needing a shoulder.
Ignore the prick when you see him. You don't have to be horrid, but a strained civil 'hello' will suffice.

Let her know you can't stand the man, but you love her and will be there for her and the dc, whatever decisions she makes, but she can't expect you to socialise with him/be pleasent to him.

I would avoid being around him as much as possible. Unless your own partner is friends with him, it shouldn't be too hard to not spend time with him. No couples dates etc.

Just be a friend and support her if she needs it. But I would also withdraw a little bit. You have to look after yourself too. I've been in a similar situation before where my friend was being taken for an absolute fool by this guy but she just wouldn't let him go. It got to the point where I didn't even want to hear her talk about him anymore, but I would have dropped everything if she needed me.

That your friend has repeatedly tolerated his cheating behaviour has given him licence to carry it on. She should've dumped his ass, if not the first time he got caught, the second. Now she's just enabling his behaviour, and he knows there won't be any consequences.

Just tell her you don't want to know about their domestic issues any more. Tell her why not if you want to.

It must be tough hearing and seeing your friend go through it and it is very easy for people to judge her but very rarely do people know the full story as to why someone isn't in the position to walk away. My reasoning was childhood trauma and the utter fear of abandonment. Had you asked me prior if I had a traumatic childhood I would have said no and I wouldn't have said I was an anxious person or feared being alone. Can you suggest counselling and say to her that whilst you are here to support her you are struggling to be neutral after repeat offending?

Tough for you to listen to it and so frustrating. There is a reason she keeps taking him back. Will she consider Counselling. He clearly knows he can treat her this way as she lets him. I would tell her I cannot be around him anymore. Surely you can work around that.