P*rn

[Superstar96]

Looking for advice but please bare with me if this doesn’t make sense 😵‍💫 my partner & I have been together for almost 9 years and our DS turns 1 next week. All has been well although since DS was born of course intimacy isn’t as often as it used to be. I was on his phone searching for something to show him via the internet when I stumbled across a tab where he’d been clearly watching porn. Having spoke to my friends about this it’s apparently common which I accept and I’m not at all bothered about the whole concept of it, although the tricky thing is it’s gave me this weird yucky feeling and totally turned my stomach. To the point I’ve not went near him again since (like that). I’ve not yet confronted him about it as it makes me so uneasy and I’m still unsure my stance on it but I just can’t describe this weird creepy feeling I get from him now that I know he’s watched it. Since having my son I feel asif my self esteem has took a good kicking and the more I think about it this just adds to issues aswell. Does anyone know how to tackle this & if there’s any coming back from it? Tia 🙂

Porn ( well the regular stuff) is a funny one - I reckon well over 90 per cent of blokes have watched it but women's attitudes to it vary wildly from totally against to collaborative watching.

If it doesn't involve stuff like farm animals, kids or coercion/violence (all immediate red flags or worse) it's really up to you. If it makes you feel uncomfortable I would confront him and say no more. If it persists move on - no one wants to be in a relationship that doesn't make them feel good

I think I’d ignore it. I think most men probably watch it from time to time - it’s when it’s extreme or starts affecting your sex life that it would be a problem for me x

What about it bothers you?

Is it the industry?
It’s rife off misogyny, human trafficking and human rights violation.
But many don’t care, even women.

Is it the other women? How they look? How you look?
Giving attention to other women?

PP said as long as it’s not extereme or violent, but who knows what that means these days?
It’s been few years since I saw some (before I knew how horrible the industry is) and main pages had what I would call violence and extreme, but apperently it’s just ”a little healthy fun kink”.
Does anyone actually know where the line is?

Oh, and op!
You are aloud to have boundaries.
Talk to him (although he may just blame you, or say he’ll never do it again and actually just hide it).

You should communicate with him, it isn't going to get better if you're sitting there stewing and he doesn't know what he's even done wrong.

He will tell you that everyone does it, because that suits his argument. But the fact is that not everyone does.
You need to decide what you think, and what you are prepared to accept.

If a partner tried to police how I masturbated I'd be out the door like a shot.

What I have realised (rather late in the day) is that you have to set boundaries in a relationship at the start. My DP thinks it’s okay to go on dating apps!!? It didnt occur to me to agree that we wouldn’t do that, as I thought if you were in a committed relationship that is a given.

Same with porn you have to agree what is acceptable to you.

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation
porn and mastubation are two different things.
no one is ”controlling” for not wanting to have porn in their relationship.

Thanks everyone for your feedback. I’ve realised I need to address this situation with him as otherwise it will never improve if we don’t discuss it!

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation 🤣 I am not trying to police whether he masturbates or not 🤣 but from your comment I’m guessing you’re probably single anyway and don’t know much on how relationships work