I’m separated, and have been for 2 years, the divorce is almost final. ExH has the kids EOW, begrudgingly. He left, removed by the police after Years of controlling and bullying. There was no 3rd party but I am now seeing someone else and he goes out of his way to make this awkward, changing plans at the last minute etc.
Anyway, that’s how he is. My mother however has always tried to stay in his good graces. I cannot fathom why. He was vile to me, she knew it and carried on staying in touch with him. I made it very clear that that was unacceptable and he had hurt and abused me and was manipulating her and she said she wouldn’t contact him.
Fast forward until today. The children are with him, I was due to collect them from their halfway point at 6pm but I was unavoidably delayed and apologised and apologised and said I’d pick them up from his place, saving him the drive. He however had decided he wanted to go out, and sent me ranting messages about how he won’t be having them again in august as he needs time to recover from his demanding job (computer programmer…) and that he would be dropping them with my mother. He got one of the kids to call her, and she said yes fine, bring them here. She didn’t check with me first and he dropped them there at 4 so a full two hours ahead of the agreed pickup. I rang her and she said “where are you? And where are you meant to be? I didn’t know anything about this!” I said this was the ex being difficult again, he knew what we had arranged and I was furious she had stepped in to be his backup childcare. She said “I said yes because my grandson asked me.”
I said “all you had to do was say you’d check with me first.” But she disagreed and I said “mum, he says jump and you say “how high?”” I also asked who she thought she was helping by doing this, and she said in super dramatic voice “I’m helping my grandchildren.” And then she said “if you’ve just called to abuse me as usual, I’m not listening.” And ended the call.
She has done this for YEARS, he went to the pub almost every night (and that was where he was going tonight) and she would give him a lift. I went out one evening without his permission (yes, that’s right) to Tesco and he said that he wanted to go out and unless I came back immediately he would leave the children alone, and he was calling a taxi right that moment. I phoned my mum in a panic and she went over and he was still there. She waited with him and then gave him a lift to the pub.
And last year she bought him Father’s Day presents from the kids. It blows my mind that she can’t see how disloyal it is. She said that she was trying to show the children how they should behave.
Why is she doing this?