Feel sh*t

[KittyKolada]

He says he'll "see me tomorrow" and we have a whole conversation about times and make a plan. Then when he doesn't turn up, I ring and he tells me he never said he'd be here between 4 and 4.30, that he never said he was going to pick me up from work or from mine or anywhere.
Then because I'm upset I'm "having a go at him" and he gets mad Because I'm "having a go at him" despite the fact that I'm just trying to express that I'm upset because he said he'd be here and isn't.
He says I'm "on dr*gs" and I'm "making it up" and I'm "having a go" and "I've had enough" ... then hangs up on me.

It doesn't make sense! What is happening????

How is he mad at me because he forgot what plans we made???
How is he mad at me for being upset that he hasn't turned up.
How is being upset "having a go"??
I'm so confused!!

Maybe mumsnet isn't the best place for this post, ideally I need a man's perspective. But if anyone has any idea what the hell just happened, I'd love to know.

Thanks, Kitty.

He's an abuser and is gaslighting you.

Dump him.

How old are you? How long have you been seeing each other?

Sounds like he is stringing you along.

Please google 'gaslighting'.

And dump him.

He's an arsehole. I suspect he has other women on the go and just waits for the best offer for an evening. Sorry, but please do yourself a favour and don't waste any more time and energy on this wanker. He's just a player.

You deserve better.

Abusive and gaslighting you. Leave him.

He isnt that into you and had a better offer and lied his way out.. dump him

Gaslighting. Not worth pursuing this as a relationship IME once they start it, they escalate.

Agree with others
The title of the post says it all

Dump him x

Gaslighting was my first thought too. I'm so upset with this, it's never happened before. Been together since January so not long but I guess he doesn't want me anymore?? 🤷🏼‍♀️

These type of guys dont change
He will do the same to the next
Let him go

Major case of gaslighting. It's time to walk away. He won't change, things won't change. You'll spend the entire relationship feeling upset, confused, angry, insecure. Do yourself a favour and get rid.

It's possible that he genuinely can't remember conversations I suppose but surely if it's happening a lot, he'd perhaps take a look at himself to see what's going wrong. That's the deal-breaker here - his blaming you for it all.

I agree with everyone else - get rid.

You don’t need a man’s opinion on this.

Cut contact. Block him. He is abusing you and it can and will only get worse.

This isn’t about him not wanting you and he will do it to every woman he meets. Get rid. Seriously.

The fact that you would like a man’s opinion on this is a worry in itself tbh. Why would you want this behaviour mansplained?

Set standards on how you want to be treated and stick to them.

Tbh, most men would give the exact same responses you've had here anyway.

But, as it's important to you, my boyfriend is here. He said he's gaslighting you and to fuck him off because you deserve better.

It's nothing to do with you amd him not wanting you. He will treat all women like this and will carry in doing it and getting good dumped for it until he finds someone who has low enough self esteem to put up with it and then the abuse will escalate.

Once they blatantly gaslight you like that, they will do it again and again, whenever they please.

Don't forgive this once because it's the green light to be treated like shit and leave you confused and upset.

Thank him for showing his true colours so early on and to not contact you again and then stick to it. Show him your boundary.

It grinds my gears when I used to have a dating mishap and a friend asks her husband for his male opinion on it (without asking me)

'Stewart said he still seems keen'
'Robert says he is not interested'
'Me and Andy are surprised it did not work out with X'

Like honestly.

Woman have the God given gift of intuition to read these situations far quicker and clearer based on thin slicing that Men

I have been able to tell a guy was about to ghost me - even whilst he has been texting me 'normally'

Why do you need an obvious situation mansplained to you? Are you so far gone with the patriachy than you feel they have the final say on how you interpret disrespect? If a man came on here and said 'chill out of course he is keen!' Would you feel better?

You don't need to have a penis to work out this bloke is a wanker