Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

OLD question from a dating newbie

23 replies

AdaHopper · 07/08/2022 15:41

Can someone help me out here?

I have had a profile on OLD sites for a while but have not really invested much time in actual dating.

I thought I would give it a proper try now. I have met a few people who have been nice but no spark.

I was due to meet someone this morning who I have quite high hopes for. We have chatted a lot more than I have with any of the others.

He sent me a message yesterday warning me he might walk funny because he hurt his back. This was followed up by a message this morning that he has to cancel the date as he can't move due to his back.

So now I have no idea if he really had hurt his back of is getting out of the date. What do I think/do now?

Any advice from experienced OLD users greatly appreciated!

OP posts:
WeWantTheFinestWines · 07/08/2022 15:45

You have no way of knowing what he's thinking. Just leave the ball in his court - "sorry to hear that, let me know if you want to rearrange" - and move on.

Isittrueornot · 07/08/2022 15:46

He could have just hurt his back, doubt it’s an excuse. But give it time and schedule another and if he doesn’t come to that one too then it’s a definite no

SpringAspen · 07/08/2022 15:52

No idea. Ask him if he wants to rearrange and see what he says from there.

Inthesameboatatmo · 07/08/2022 15:56

I had a date suddenly develop toothache the morning of a date a few weeks ago. Your date may have hurt his back but I'm so jaded I would be sceptical to be honest. Just send an ok let me know if you want to rearrange. Then go about your life without giving him a second thought.

LooneyToon · 07/08/2022 19:53

I personally would just ignore him.. sounds like a line to me. Wait and see if he tries to reschedule but I doubt it. Many people enjoy the chat but back out of actually meeting. Usually married etc

Tuskanini · 07/08/2022 21:37

Maybe he's running scared. Maybe he hurt his back. Maybe he'll reschedule, maybe he won't.

What the heck. You'll get a lot of damp squibs like this on the dating scene. Keep your options open. Including him.

TitInATrance · 07/08/2022 21:43

Maybe he has a disability that he didn’t disclose earlier in the conversation. An individual’s prerogative of course, but my profile specifies that I want a hiking partner and this happens to me a lot. I’d message back “get well soon” and mentally write them off.

And now I’ve met one with ED 🙄.

Ilovemycat1 · 07/08/2022 21:55

Unless he rescheduled right away its an excuse

(OLD veteran)

Original poster
AdaHopper · 07/08/2022 22:27

Ilovemycat1 · 07/08/2022 21:55

Unless he rescheduled right away its an excuse

(OLD veteran)

That is what I was afraid of too. He has been messaging all day and has asked me when I am free this week to reschedule.
If the next date also gets cancelled then I am giving up.

So a follow-up question: can you tell from the chats if there will be a match?

OP posts:
PermanentTemporary · 07/08/2022 22:32

What do you mean by a match - attraction?

For me I came to find that use of language + ok photo was a much, much better predictor of attraction than great photo on its own. If I ignored language that made me shudder or disturbed me, I always regretted it. 'How's you' and 'm'dear' my particular hates but there are plenty of others.

Original poster
AdaHopper · 07/08/2022 22:33

Yes, I mean a date that could leads to more.

OP posts:
Seaoftroubles · 07/08/2022 22:53

You have no way of knowing until you meet in person and see if there's any attraction. So it's best to meet fairly quickly.

Annoyedwithmyself · 08/08/2022 00:44

Re the guy, give him a chance to rearrange and go along with an open mind. That he seems to want to keep talking and has suggested rescheduling is a good sign.

Don't invest at all emotionally or get your hopes up before meeting anyone. Not saying don't look forward to dates but it's easiest to keep your expectations in check.

Re whether you can tell from a chat whether there may be real life chemistry, no. Absolutely not. You can genuinely only tell this by meeting. Obviously you only want to be meeting those you have plenty to talk about and who seem personable online. That's a bare minimum. However, you have no idea how that will translate in the flesh.

Annoyedwithmyself · 08/08/2022 01:01

Sorry, to be clear about the date, I meant rearrange a time ASAP and go along. I wouldn't put a load of time into chat in the interim. The best thing is to meet quickly.

PissedOffNeighbour22 · 08/08/2022 02:01

It's difficult to tell from chats whether you'll be a match or not. A lot of men just lie to fit in with what you're looking for.

The difference I found with my DP is that he didn't ever try to turn the chat into anything sexual. He was willing to chat about anything, answer anything I asked, explained fully if he'd been slow to reply, I never got the sense that I was just one of several he was chatting with either. He was also willing to wait about 6wks for a date too as I was either busy or he was working and we couldn't sort out a day to meet. I think most men would just think 'sod it' and move on.

Original poster
AdaHopper · 09/08/2022 08:15

Well - after asking when would suit me and me giving him some options, he has disappeared. Oh well. His loss.

OP posts:
Inthesameboatatmo · 09/08/2022 08:56

AdaHopper · 09/08/2022 08:15

Well - after asking when would suit me and me giving him some options, he has disappeared. Oh well. His loss.

What a prick. Watch him crawl back though op so beware. It'll be when the others he's got lined up and thought we're better options turn out not to be. Never be a man's option. Delete the cretins number so you don't check online status or whatever and unmatch] from the dating site . Then don't give him so much a second thought. What a loser Flowers

Oopsiedaisyy · 09/08/2022 09:52

I was talking to someone and had planned to meet, but my daughter came down with Covid and although i was negative, I suggested we delayed. He since told me he did wonder if i was trying to find an excuse not to meet...

We did meet, and it's been going brilliantly since😊

Original poster
AdaHopper · 09/08/2022 17:37

One of you is right.

He has been in touch. Apparently his back is pretty bad and the medication knocked him out yesterday.

So... I think I will give him the benefit of the doubt for now.

But I am waiting a long time before i reply.

How long is almost rude but not quite?

OP posts:
Inthesameboatatmo · 09/08/2022 17:52

24 hrs if you feel you need to reply. My opinion is he's longing it all out as much as possible to see if anything better comes along.

Original poster
AdaHopper · 09/08/2022 18:16

You are probably right. I'll leave it for 24 hours and then see.

OP posts:
Original poster
AdaHopper · 12/08/2022 16:56

So - I did meet with him today. He actually had a genuine reason in the end. No match though.

OP posts:
WordOfTheDay · 12/08/2022 23:20

Thanks for reporting back OP. Glad to her that the guy was genuine. That’s good. It’s a pity that there was no spark, but now you know!

Onwards and forwards.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread