To try again or to walk away

[Tinytigertail]

Married 26yrs 2 DC, one in their 20s, one late teens.
We've had a rocky 5yrs, family bereavements etc and a rocky relationship on and off during this time. No sex life for almost 3 yrs, he's in his armchair I'm on the sofa, so no cuddles - just chaste good morning/good night pecks.
I carry all of the mental load for the house, finances, booking holidays etc.
We go through patches of getting on pretty well, and then I'm plunged into cycles of 'there must be more than this'
He's had issues with prescription drug abuse and has a self destructive streak that manifests when we are not getting on so well.
We own our house , no mortgage and have savings, but not enough to finance 2 homes if we were to spilt. Youngest DS just about to start A Levels and I worry what impact splitting up now would have on them.
I'd love an outsider's perspective, are we salvagable or do I start making plans to end things?

Would it be worth trying marriage counselling?

It does sound like you have had enough. Do you work?

Do you love him?

Thanks for your replies. Do I love him? It's tricky, obviously there is a lot of history and perhaps my ideal scenario would be that we were both together and very happy, but I'm not sure if that's because I can't face splitting the family up and living in a tiny flat that I've used all of my savings to fund.
Perhaps counseling would be good, we maybe do need a mediator of some sort. I also then resent that it will be me suggesting, finding and organising it if we decided to try it.

I am currently part time, but could get more hours. I work for the NHS, so not a high earner and neither is DH.

I would start planning a divorce very aggressively and talk to a solicitor right away. I would make a two year plan to get your youngest through their A levels. Find out what you need to do regarding finances and start working more hours. Why are you only part time? Could you look for a better paying job?

You have one life.
go and live it x

OP, only you can decide if anything is worth salvaging but I would certainly start making plans for F/T working and developing a career.

I'm sorry you are in this position.

Since the children were born, I've only ever worked part time. As I said, we are mortgage free and have no debts at all. We stayed in a smaller house rather than upsizing, so money hasn't been an issue. However, if we sell our house, neither of us will be able to afford to buy anything outright in the local area. I need to be here for my DC to get through A Levels. I'm 55, so really don't want to get a mortgage at my age and not even sure anyone would give me one.
I love my job and could definitely increase to full time hours, which would obviously help,.but I'd need a substantially bigger income to cover utilities etc on my own.