Blocking ex after 2 years

[FlyingSaucerss]

Asking on here as I posted on another site and got told it was unreasonable. Ex hasn’t seen our kids in 2 years, I’ve left his number open on my phone but in 2 years he has not once asked to see them, he messages occasionally think every 6 months about something but never asking to see them, at first I would respond hoping the conversation would lead on to him asking to see them but it never did. So for example it would go ex asking how they are, me telling him, then him saying ok good and not hearing from him again for months, it felt like he was just a pen pal and was just fishing for information, if I ever told him anything about them he either wouldn’t respond or just say that’s good, and we wouldn’t hear from him again until months later with the same message “how’s the kids” and it would be the same thing, at this point I stopped responding and told him I would only respond if he actually wanted to see them but 2 years later nothing. It’s now at the point where I think it’s best I block him as the kids are older now and don’t want to see him (their choice they know he is not interested in them) so is it ok to block an ex after 2 years not seeing the kids? (He will never take it to court that is not something I am concerned about) we last heard from him in March....

I don't think it's unreasonable to block him but by keeping the lines open, you as the responsible parent are doing the right thing. Obviously one would be frustrated and disappointed at his total lack of commitment to his children and you would feel like cutting him off. I think when the children reach 18 then this would be the right time to block him.

Have you ever posted this before on here? He sounds like someone else who did the same.

I think it's reasonable to block him, give him an email address to contact you should he want to see them and tell him, you will let him know if anything serious regarding the kids happens and he needs to be informed, otherwise he shouldn't contact you and you won't respond to anything from him.

I don't know why you'd block him. He's not bothering to contact you and it might be handy if he dies for someone to be able to reach you

He has no family so no one will contact me if he dies, I had no relationship with his friends and haven’t seen them in at least 5 years they would not contact me. I’ve been the responsible parent for 2 years and left it open but nothing, I wouldn’t just start up contact again anyway if he did magically decide as 2 years without so much as speaking to your children let alone seeing them is too long to just restart contact I would expect him to go through the official channels to prove he is serious and will stick to it (he won’t do this so it’s a non issue) but how many years of no contact before it’s acceptable? The kids are coming to preteens now and have told me they don’t want to see him and obviously their opinions count.

What's the point of blocking him if he rarely contacts you?

You may need to contact him in an emergency!

Why would I contact him in an emergency. He hasn’t seen the kids in 2 years he is the last person I would contact in an emergency to be quite honest! Sounds mean but I why would I contact an absent father?

He's as useful as a chocolate teapot.

Well he’s had no contact in 2 years. Not even by phone, nothing so not sure why I would reach out in an emergency he would be of no use exactly, I would reach out to the people that have been around and have supported and cared for my kids whilst he’s been absent.

If he never contacts you what's the point of blocking him?

I understand where you’re coming from but I don’t really see the point in blocking him. He’s not sending nasty messages or being abusive he’s being negligent. I know you say you wouldn’t contact him in an emergency but if something big did happen the children might change their mind and want him to know.
id leave it open and just respond when you feel there’s a need.

He does contact me he last made contact in March and also New Years and Xmas (not asking to see the kids) Kids have been to hospital and never once asked for their dad even when they was admitted (sons was admitted to hospital he never asked for his dad) I wouldn’t contact him unless they asked me to but can’t see that happening, I will leave it open though since everyone thinks it should be open, I must say I’m surprised by that but I’ve taken the comments on board.

How old are the kids? If they have their own numbers I would suggest he contacts them directly next time he messages (doesn't sound likely he will).

I have similar issues with my ExH, although he very rarely contacts me. Of my 2 kids one has chosen to block him, one hasn't yet he never attempts contact anyhow.

You don't need contact with this man so if it makes you feel more in control block away. It's entirely up to the children if they choose to pursue or maintain a relationship with him

I'm 46 and my parents divorced when I was about 8. My mum had had an affair and my dad found out hence the split. I initially lived with her but the care was neglectful and abusive, and when my father found out, he took me and I lived with him where he got custody. Many more things happened which are too identifying but safe to say I barely saw her from being 10 to being 17. Back in contact around then and visited her abroad when I was 18. I was told I was a mistake and she should never had had me as she was so unhappy with my dad. Didn't see her again until I was about 30. Saw her once then as I'd had my 1zt child, fell out again and haven't seen her since.
However I still look for her every now and then on facebook and social media, and would hate to not be able to reach her should I ever chose to. I actually resent my father as I think he took the easy way out and should have enabled the relationship a bit more at the beginning as perhaps we would have come out the other end by this point. I've also had my own relationship and shit kids dad but probably went too far to enable it, and whilst that's worked for ex and child, it put me through the wringer.

Its a tricky one OP but if you block and the numbers then changed, theres no way back from that. At least keeping it open, the choice is always there

I'm with the others - I don't see why you'd bother blocking him.

How old are the kids? If they have their own numbers I would suggest he contacts them directly next time he messages (doesn't sound likely he will).

Why would you do that to your own children when they've said they don't want contact with him?

They are 8 10 and 11 so don’t have phones yet but I wouldn’t want to give him their numbers when they do when they are adamant they want no contact? This isn’t through me he has done this since we split he has been absent the majority of the time but never for 2 years this is the longest, usually he goes a year without seeing them before resurfacing asking to see them again, seeing them for a few months and disappearing again, it’s a pattern of behaviour, so they have made up their minds. If he wanted contact he would need to go through the official channels now to prove he is serious after so much messing around which by that time the kids will be old enough to have their say (he won’t do this anyway so a non issue)

To be honest, although I'm with the 'don't block' opinion, I wouldnt allow direct access with the children at all. At least currently you can manage expections etc. Knowing that a parent has rejected you is a huge huge issue and affects my life even now. My past relationships have been horrendous, I've got such a huge need to be liked by people etc etc etc. A lot I've dealt with and aware of and thankfully am In a hugely supportive long term relationship now, but OP you really do have a lot of responsibility on your plate

YANBU to be hurt by him and want to block him. I would feel exactly the same.

BUT your kids may change their minds. They're only preteen so have many years of wonder, curiosity and interest left. They may at any time want to reach out to him. And sadly, despite his selfishness, you owe it to your kids to keep that option open.

I can only imagine how frustrated you feel, and he doesn't deserve any effort. But your kids deserve the chance if they later decide which is a real possibility.

Set up an email address specifically for him for communication about the children and tell him you’re changing your number.

then change your number or block him.

it’s clearly upsetting you that he’s ignoring his children and keeps intermittently sending random half arsed messages. So block him.

If they change their minds I can always unblock or give them his number

They would (at times) love a relationship with their father. It's the father who has withdrawn from them. Because of this rejection 1 has now chosen to block him in the event he ever did make contact. The other is still hopeful.

They are young adults and make their own choices. What I am looking to avoid is being accused of interfering or manipulating their relationship (or whatever it may be) at a later date. If I was the sole conduit for contact I could be accused of parental alienation

In the OP's case if the kids want no contact I'd respect that, particularly given their ages. That said you don't need to provide an update as and when he feels like asking for one.

If they want to pursue contact on their terms when older they can take his number then. It's very difficult to navigate the line between being enabling a shit parent to carry on being shit and being accused of parental alienation

This is it every time I forgot he exists he pops up again to remind us, I find it uncomfortable that I have to be constantly reminded he exists when he doesn’t bother with seeing them so would just like to put it to bed, if they want to change their minds they can have his number

Block but keep the number. If it will give you some peace of mind then why not.

The only reason I can think of not to might be if he wanted to contact kids in an emergency but it sounds like chances of that happening are slim to non-existent and I assume he does know where you live if that were the case and he's have the number so could still ask someone else to call or use a different phone. So I reckon just do it if you want to - I'm sure every time he randomly messages before going awol again it must make your blood boil so why leave him that power

Yes exactly, getting messages off him is infuriating the last message was “I do care about the kids” in March.... cares about kids he hasn’t seen in 2 years and now not heard from him since march