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She is after him
15

star70 · 06/08/2022 14:14

My friend and I are very close and it is leading to a relationship. There is a woman who has latched on to him and will comment and likes the majority of his posts on social media and WhatsApp group chat. She does not do this with others and is against all the other women in the group chat and defends him all of the time. She suffers from ill health. She has been in a relationship for over 20 years which the last 8 years she said her and her partner have slept in separate beds and said he strung her along as she wanted a family. She said he has been a narcissist but they are more like friends now. She won't leave as she can't afford her own place.

She has outright said she chats to other men and is on dating sites looking for a relationship even though she is with someone. She says the men are annoyed and leave once they find out she is not single. This situation with this woman is making me feeling a bit insecure as this man and I have never had a love that has felt like this before as we have discussed this and I don't want to lose it. My friend would not date a woman who is in a relationship as he has been cheated on and he is disgusted with cheating. He doesn't see her in that way as he has said so but she has mistaken his friendliness for interest. I don't know what to do.

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GreyCarpet · 06/08/2022 14:24

You don't need to do anything. He does. He needs to make it clear to her that he isn't interested and then totally ignore her. Then let her get on with doing what she likes. She'll make a fool of herself.

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frozendaisy · 06/08/2022 14:37

Stop thinking of a man as a prize.

Start believing "he's lucky to have me"

Let her run her basically chaotic disrespectful love life how she wants.

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hotfroth · 06/08/2022 15:33

She has outright said she chats to other men and is on dating sites looking for a relationship even though she is with someone. She says the men are annoyed and leave once they find out she is not single.

A likely story. Confused

Most men on those dating sites are only too happy to have a no-strings shag relationship with anybody. They are not going to come over all moralistic and turn her down.

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Sheepreallylikerichteabiscuits · 06/08/2022 15:43

You don't do anything

Either he likes you best and he stays with you

Or he likes her best and he gets together with her

But why would you want to 'keep' him if it turns out he likes her best? You deserve someone who likes you and only you.

Stop worrying about other women and just concentrate on you, your relationship and your life.

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RainbowsMoonbeams · 06/08/2022 16:16

How do you know so much about this other woman? Is this info he has told you?

Perhaps he is enjoying getting his ego massaged by two women doing the kick me dance?

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RainbowsMoonbeams · 06/08/2022 16:16

RainbowsMoonbeams · 06/08/2022 16:16

How do you know so much about this other woman? Is this info he has told you?

Perhaps he is enjoying getting his ego massaged by two women doing the kick me dance?

pick me dance 😂

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IncompleteSenten · 06/08/2022 16:20

What do you need to do?

You aren't actually in a romantic relationship with him at this.point if I'm reading right.

If he wants to be with you, he will be. If he prefers her, there's nothing you can do.

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layladomino · 06/08/2022 16:21

I agree you don't need to do anything. If you trust him, if he isn't interested in her, then you've nothing to worry about. It might be irritating (to him more than you) but it can't hamr your relationship.

If he has his head turned by her, then he wasn't right for you in the first place.

You know a lot about her, which I assume he has told you? It sounds like he might be enjoying her attention or the idea of having 2 women fight over him. Don't get in to that game. He isn't a prize to be fought over.

If he isn't interested in her, then he needs to make that clear to her and she will soon lose interest hopefully.

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Pinkbonbon · 06/08/2022 16:24

Sorry but I don't think it is leading to a relationship. You and your 'friend' I mean. Otherwise you would a. Be in one. And b. He would have told this woman to sod off. And c. He wpuld make you feel secure.

You don't feel secure with this man. You don't trust him. Perhaps rightly so.
So any feelings you have aren't worth shit.

Either ask him out and have done with it. And see that if he says yes, he tells her where to go. Or if he says no or give some bullshit if or maybe answer, throw in the towel and move on.

She isn't your problem
He is. That and you settling for a 'friendship' with someone you like. Put on your big girl pants and shit or get off the pan.

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star70 · 06/08/2022 16:24

This woman actually told me all this herself! I know people are right I should value myself more and not be seeking his validation.

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wellhelloitsme · 06/08/2022 17:18

You don't need to do anything.

You need to ask yourself if you can be arsed getting involved in this weird dynamic and if so, ask yourself whether he has strong and sensible boundaries (it doesn't sound like it) and if not... stop seeing any kind of romantic future with him.

It all sounds very teenage and angsty!

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Aquamarine1029 · 06/08/2022 17:27

I think your "friend" is playing you.

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Hiddenvoice · 06/08/2022 17:35

I think your friend may also be talking to her too. If she regularly chats online to other men then she probably wouldn’t be wasting her time on him if she didn’t see it going somewhere.
If he’s not interested in her then all he needs to do is tell her that.
If he’s interested in you, then ask him out if you two aren’t already dating.

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dudsville · 06/08/2022 17:39

If he's swayed, he's swayed. There's nothing for you to do. In terms of your relationship i hope you can find security.

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ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 06/08/2022 17:52

RainbowsMoonbeams · 06/08/2022 16:16

pick me dance 😂

No I like the kick me dance better. Kick their sorry backsides!

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