Wobbling about breakup-partner and I have different values and communication styles

[Lostandconfused27]

Hi,

Bit of background, I'm 27, partner and I had been (until 2 weeks ago) together for 6 years and friends for longer than that.

To other people, and in some aspects, we had a great relationship. E.g. the way we got on with each other, laughed together etc. I would guess this is because we were friends first.

For the last two years however, I felt a rift growing between us. He had been struggling with his mental health and our sex life had all but ceased due to ED (on average sex once every 6 weeks). His communication has always been not great, as in if I text him I don't often get a reply which wasn't such a problem for me as we live together, but it got worse recently to the point where I didn't hear from him for two days while I was on holiday, despite sending him pics and a few messages.

We also have quite different values, i value happiness over success and due to his upbringing he is success over happiness, which is why since he got made redundant our relationship has been deprioritised.

I broke up with him two weeks ago and despite all this, im wondering if I made a mistake. He really is a great guy, we get on so well, he treats me well and absolutely adores me. I do think this should be the bare minimum but there's always people that tell you its so hard to find a good man.

Can anyone weigh in?

You absolutely did not make a mistake in breaking up with him. You are not suited, end of. The only mistake would be in taking him back. Give yourself some time to decompress and then move on with your life.

It doesn't sound like there is a massive issue with your relationship - "he adores me" is usually a good sign😀

It does however sound like an accumulation of issues and a lack of communication.

ED at his age (assuming it isn't too far from yours) is a real issue and needs to be properly addressed. I wouldn't stick around without a healthy sex life at your age

For many people redundancy is a real shock and potentially a bitter blow to self esteem (it's happened to me) - a good partner would provide support and encouragement so hopefully you are doing that.

If you can fix those two then the values thing may fix itself. I can actually see strength in having one partner focussed on being successful and the other on happiness - they kind of act as a counterweight to each other.

I think if it got to the point that you broke up with him then there is no reason to regret your decision. The relationship had come to its natural conclusion and you are having doubts because you fear the unknown and are looking for reasons to end that fear by going back to what you know. But it won't fix the relationship and your unhappiness within it.