In law weekend handhold

[SewingReader]

Going away for the weekend with all of DH’s family, some of them have been awful to us in the past (including refusing to come to our wedding). Sucking it up and going but need a Mumsnet handhold, please! Any words of wisdom for coping would be appreciated!

Drink heavily😀

More seriously - avoid conversations on anything remotely controversial and don't complain to DH unless something really bad happens.

@ManAboutTown Thank you x

Plan breaks, leave the room frequently.

Smile and wave.

Do not go away with these people again. Why should you at all have to suck it up?. Raise your boundaries.

Why are you going away with them if they are like that?

You are looking a bit peaky OP, you sure you should be going?

Why would you put yourself through this?

Why go? They refused to come to your wedding that’s a line for me. Get a stomach bug today or Covid and leave

Orange juice on a lateral flow test.

Oh OP, how unlucky that you just tested Covid positive. Get well soon

Please don't lie. Lyings wrong as I'm sure all your parents must have told you.

I'm with the "drink heavily" camp! Good luck!

@DenholmElliot1 but she has to to the socially appropriate thing and put her needs and feelings first? I’m sure the ear people didn’t lie but people (usually women) are wxpcected to toe the line. Nope. She can lie if it gets her out of a situation, but suggesting getting shit faced is far better?? Bollocks off

You smile and keep calm. And when it's all over you tell your DH that that was it. You will never waste your life making his family happy again. He can go on his own in future.

They are his family and you don't have the same need to be accepted by them. That is his issue. He can accept that or can make it into an issue between you. But you have every right not to waste any time at all being around people who dislike you or whom you dislike.

I said much the same to my DH 30 some years ago. It helped him extricate himself form a fairly unpleasant family dynamic.

@RedCardigan "I’m sure the ear people didn’t lie"

I'm sorry, what?

Are you all in one property or hotel rooms or separate apartments? Are you expected prep food together and do activities together?

You said it was only some of them who didn’t come to your wedding - have you seen them since? If so how do you handle it?

Are there nice people in the group you can focus on?

Manage your time in separate chunks - get through breakfast by choosing who to sit with etc and be proud of holding your dignity.

With the difficult ones I would get in there first - immediately approach them on the first day and say hello breezily then move on with the weekend. You have done your bit and won’t have anything hanging over you.

Be confident with the good people, distant and indifferent with the tricky ones. Decide with your OH in advance what is the worst case scenario that these people could do and how you will handle it. Are you prepared to calmly and assertively leave?

You don’t have to endure hostility, abuse or snide remarks or looks. You can take yourself out of any situation.

Keep calm and carry on.

And... before you get there, organise a code word with your DH. If you say the word, then he'll know it means you have had enough and need to leave then and there.

Try and embrace the good bits. Have as much fun as you can. Act as though there's a clean slate even if you don't feel that way. Ignore any snipes.

I am never in the "drink heavily" camp. That could lead to utter disaster and make you look awful, when you're not.

Focus on the non-awful in-laws, or the least awful ones. Plan your time - rather than let it all build up to the point you can't bear it any more, say to yourself, if it's all terrible at 3pm, I'm going to take myself off for a lie-down. At 9pm I'll say I'm having an early night. A judicious drink every so often is important but so is not getting shitfaced or deathly hungover.

Be prepared to leave at the first sign of rude or nasty behaviour. If you are sharing accommodation it may be best to leave most of your stuff in the car!

Take a pint glass of water around with you. If you need to be ill suddenly, you can take it into the loo with you. Soak some toilet roll in the glass of water and chuck it down the loo. Makes the same noise as galloping diarrhoea. People outside the loo will hear it.

God no I couldn't think of anything worse.

Inlaws all went away a few weeks ago. We didn't go. I sometimes feel sorry that our children miss out but some of them are just so annoying, a few hours is fine but not a holiday away .

Why are you doing this? Are you going to support your dp?

Don't drink heavily. You need to be in control.