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What would you do?
4

Errsalplase · 06/08/2022 07:45

At 14 weeks pregnant, after telling me he wanted the baby, my DP starter behaving strangely. Just unlike him, lots of rows and he became so so moody. The relationship is over I think, we’ve not seen each other in 3 weeks now.

I keep thinking about termination but I’m 34 now and had a termination very early only 3 years ago and it absolutely devastated me - though after a year or so I had moved forwards so I know it can be done.

The bigger issues for me this time is that I feel I would be dating again looking for a man basically to have a baby with. I don’t think that will make me good at assessing the relationship side to things properly. It would take me time to get over a termination and realistically then I would be 35/36.

That said, whilst I do have family around and some good friends and savings to sort childcare, I do know emotionally I would find it very hard alone.

I feel so confused. I’m so disappointed in my (ex?) partner… he’s not spoken to me in weeks and just said he needed to focus on work as all the rows had meant his performance had slipped… rows I don’t think came from me but that’s another story. I have to consider this as if I am alone as it seems I am.

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KangarooKenny · 06/08/2022 08:00

I’d have the baby and give it your surname. I wouldn’t chase him to have a relationship with it.

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MiniTheMinx · 06/08/2022 08:04

I agree with KangarooKenny. Register the birth on your own and give baby your name, make certain he doesn't have PR. So much easier in the long run.

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JustKittenAround · 06/08/2022 08:14

I’d consider termination if it’s an option. Your life will be so changed by a baby and without a mate it will be very difficult.

No shame being a single mother but you will be in a distinct disadvantage.

I am only giving my real talk thoughts. I am not in your position. Still, if there is any chance I’d terminate and then get therapy not now for the loss but also to choose better men.

this man needs to go. I’m serious. If you can’t set boundaries for a healthy relationship then you really shouldn’t be bringing a child into it.

You can’t know at what age you’ll have a baby but think of this life now…..

You are only 34.

There are partners out there who are better and you deserve more than this.

ps friends and family support won’t be what they tell you now. I have seen this personally. Best intentions but when things are hard they will have their own troubles. You do this then understand at the end of the day it will be all you.

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Dery · 06/08/2022 10:26

It’s a tough one but if you want to be a mother, and I think you do, then in your shoes I would continue with the pregnancy. There are absolutely no guarantees that you will have another chance at parenthood. It will be very hard work - particularly in the early years - but the early years do pass and as your child becomes more independent it will become easier.

Good luck with your decision, OP.

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