I've been seeing a guy for about 4 months and I can’t stop overthinking things.
It’s the only area of my life as well that I do overthink as with most things I’m pretty laid back and don’t sweat the small stuff.
We went on a date together off after chatting for a couple of days on one of the dating apps, I wasn’t even really in the mood but thought I’d get my step count up and it was absolutely amazing a proper lightning bolt moment, the day after he messaged to say he was coming off all the dating apps and I said I’d do the same. Since then we’ve seen each other on average twice a week (when neither of us have our children) usually staying over and call each other boyfriend/girlfriend.
I think some of my problem is that he’s not very ‘wordy’ so he never says what/how he is feeling which is probably more the norm for a man but he doesn’t do sweet messages at all - in fact the nicest message I’ve probably ever got off him was after our first date!
However, a couple of my previous bad relationships (including my marriage) were all about the long gushing texts when in reality it was all bullshit so I’m trying to judge him on actions rather than words.
These actions include buying me a sun lounger to go alongside his for his garden, buying us some matching fancy glasses of a particular drink we both like, he’s recently cleared out a drawer and offered for me to leave things there. He’s cooked for me, bought me flowers, picked up bits that I’ve complimented on, leaves the door open to his house for me to go in if i get there earlier than he does and has introduced me to family and friends. He’s told me I can call him at anytime and texts me every day on and off with a good morning/night text.
Reading that back it all sounds lovely but I just can’t help worrying that he’s going to hurt me, leave, break my heart. I know you can’t live life like that and I know I’d ultimately get over it and move on I’m just scared I suppose. My ex h had an affair and obviously it has haunted me in some way. I congratulated myself for not being paranoid when I got in my first serious relationship after my marriage but in hindsight I didn’t feel as deeply about him as I do this man plus as bad as it may sound my previous boyfriend didn’t do anything apart from go to work or see his mum so I was never worried.
I’m terrified he will cheat when he goes out with friends which isn’t even very often and that is also ridiculous because I enjoy going out with friends and don’t cheat plus my exh hated going out but had an affair through work. I know if someone will cheat they just will I just feel like a massive cliche about being terrified of opening my heart again to someone.
Has anyone been through similar? I’ve done a bit of Googling and it does say relationship anxiety is normal I just don’t know how much and does it fade over time?
Being on Mumsnet can help so much but it has also given rise to me being on the constant look out for red flag behaviour and ‘trusting my gut’. But I think my gut feelings have been thrown out of kilter and am all at sea.
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Relationships
Got bad 'relationship anxiety' and don't know what to do
easylikeasundaymorning · 05/08/2022 21:11
PetalParty · 05/08/2022 21:37
You want to be careful about self fulfilling prophesies. I would recommend CBT to help you focus your mind on positive outcomes.
Try to live in and enjoy the moment, life’s more fun that way! Why be sad when you could be having a rollicking good time.
Plan your next adventures together, that will put a smile on your face.
Are you interested in marriage eventually with this man?
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