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Original poster

Weird sleep pattern

19 replies

Christin3 · 05/08/2022 18:38

Hi all,

My OH has a bizarre sleep pattern and it's really getting to me.

He finishes wfh at about 5 and goes straight to bed.

Then he gets up about 9 which is precisely when I'm showering/ winding down.

Then I go to bed at half ten.

Then he comes to bed at 3 and wakes me up.

Then we both get up about 8.

30s, no kids, no health issues.

I want to say to him that I'm not happy with this. It feels like he is avoiding me 🫤 and we don't spend any time together really. But I don't want to come across as controlling. Obviously he is an adult and if he wants a nap he can have a nap!

OP posts:
Original poster
Christin3 · 05/08/2022 18:42

Now I've written it out or pretty obvious he is avoiding me by sleeping at times I'll be around ☹️

OP posts:
User7866765 · 05/08/2022 18:50

Has he always been like this? It does sound like he's avoiding you, but it could be he just doesn't want to be around anyone? It can be easier to stay up alone till the small hours when your feeling depressed. Could it be that?

What are weekends like?

And 4 hours isn't really a nap.... It sounds like he works from home? How is that going?

Inthesameboatatmo · 05/08/2022 18:51

What's he doing until the early hours? I'd be suspicious sorry . I'd be thinking porn or even worse cam girls or an affair or gambling addiction.
Can you do some digging and maybe find out. Even if it turns out to be nothing it would be over for me . He checked of the relationship when his weird sleep pattern started.

Inthesameboatatmo · 05/08/2022 18:52

Checked out of the relationship *

Original poster
Christin3 · 05/08/2022 22:41

User7866765 · 05/08/2022 18:50

Has he always been like this? It does sound like he's avoiding you, but it could be he just doesn't want to be around anyone? It can be easier to stay up alone till the small hours when your feeling depressed. Could it be that?

What are weekends like?

And 4 hours isn't really a nap.... It sounds like he works from home? How is that going?

We moved in together recently. He wasn't like this I initially. It's very strange tbh.

OP posts:
Original poster
Christin3 · 05/08/2022 22:45

Inthesameboatatmo · 05/08/2022 18:51

What's he doing until the early hours? I'd be suspicious sorry . I'd be thinking porn or even worse cam girls or an affair or gambling addiction.
Can you do some digging and maybe find out. Even if it turns out to be nothing it would be over for me . He checked of the relationship when his weird sleep pattern started.

I don't think he will be doing any of that tbh.

OP posts:
Inthesameboatatmo · 05/08/2022 23:05

Why are posting then ? What do you hope to get out an Internet forum?

Mxyzptlk · 05/08/2022 23:13

Have you spoken to him about it? Said you miss having him around in the evening?

Does he want sex when he wakes you up at 3am?
If so, it seems like this is his preferred timescale for his life and he feels he doesn't have to make any effort for you, now you've moved in.

Original poster
Christin3 · 05/08/2022 23:14

Why am I posting? To get people opinions on the situation. Obv.

OP posts:
Original poster
Christin3 · 05/08/2022 23:15

Mxyzptlk · 05/08/2022 23:13

Have you spoken to him about it? Said you miss having him around in the evening?

Does he want sex when he wakes you up at 3am?
If so, it seems like this is his preferred timescale for his life and he feels he doesn't have to make any effort for you, now you've moved in.

Yeah I've said it's weird and asked what's wrong. He hasn't really properly replied. Just said he is tired.

OP posts:
Original poster
Christin3 · 05/08/2022 23:15

He doesn't want sex at 3am, but he does wake me up unintentionally so I have disturbed sleep every single night which also isn't much fun.

OP posts:
Mxyzptlk · 05/08/2022 23:22

What's he like when you actually see him?

Original poster
Christin3 · 05/08/2022 23:36

Mxyzptlk · 05/08/2022 23:22

What's he like when you actually see him?

He seems tired tbf. But I don't see how this is possible as he is sleeping a lot!

OP posts:
mrsfollowill · 05/08/2022 23:48

So he is getting 9hrs sleep? 5-9 then 3-8- he does seems to be avoiding you but no wonder he is awake until 3am when he has his massive 'nap' at 5pm. Does he follow this pattern on his non working days? Have you asked him to not do it (just for one night even!?) how about you suggest going out to the cinema/for a meal? Could you book a table for 8pm somewhere?
How long has this gone on? most couples (especially 30's no kids) make the most of their time together if they actually like/love each other.
I really don't think you would come across as 'controlling' - well not to to a sane person anyway. If he doesn't see a problem - do you want to spend your life like this?

Original poster
Christin3 · 06/08/2022 00:19

We have a wedding this weekend so he will have to stay awake (shock horror) all day!

Next week I'm booking a table somewhere I don't care. I don't understand why any sane person would want this weird schedule. If he doesn't want to spend time with me we may as well split... there's absolutely no point just having him asleep in the flat when I am awake.

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 06/08/2022 03:55

Has he spoken to his GP about insomnia?

I also have a very odd sleep pattern (hence being awake now) and have done for years. Drives me mad, but thankfully my partner understands that it is not on purpose.

Google ‘sleep hygiene’ and ask him to see GP.

it’s also only recently that we’re ‘expected’ to get a solid 8 hours in one go. Having ‘two sleeps’ used to be quite normal.

FictionalCharacter · 06/08/2022 05:04

I’m a bit like your dh. I’m not avoiding my husband or up to no good! I have a sleep disorder, a circadian rhythm disorder. It’s difficult to live with. I find it next to impossible to stay awake all day. Days like the wedding at the wedding at the weekend that you’re going to are a nightmare for me.
Ask him if he’d be willing to go to a sleep clinic for a diagnosis. I’d be surprised if he’s just choosing this sleep pattern for the hell of it.

Original poster
Christin3 · 06/08/2022 07:01

He hasn't seen GP. Obv if he had a sleep disorder it would be different.

OP posts:
Original poster
Christin3 · 06/08/2022 07:09

FictionalCharacter · 06/08/2022 05:04

I’m a bit like your dh. I’m not avoiding my husband or up to no good! I have a sleep disorder, a circadian rhythm disorder. It’s difficult to live with. I find it next to impossible to stay awake all day. Days like the wedding at the wedding at the weekend that you’re going to are a nightmare for me.
Ask him if he’d be willing to go to a sleep clinic for a diagnosis. I’d be surprised if he’s just choosing this sleep pattern for the hell of it.

Weddings are a complete endurance test aren't they?

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