Parent alcohol dependence - what can I do?

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My parents have always enjoyed drinking, but their alcohol consumption seems to have been increasing since they retired a few years ago. They drink 5 nights a week (avoid Monday/Tuesday unless on holiday) and have a very clear routine of what and when they drink which is based around the day of the week (roughly a beer or two, half a bottle of wine and a whisky or two each day). They seem to function ok with it - haven’t endangered themselves or others - but all other activities are planned with the drinking routine in mind, and they would not consider deviating from their routine or skipping a drink

I would appreciate your thoughts and experiences on:

1. does this sound problematic to you - or normal for their generation (they’re fond of telling me this is a generational thing - they’re mid-sixties)?


2. what lies ahead (do people drink more and more, or plateau)?


3. what, if anything, can I do to intervene (they are categorical that they are not alcoholics, just enjoy drinking - surprise surprise!)?

Alcohol can be tricky, I have known people who have been very functional and fixed with their alcohol intake and cope for decades without any escalation, and I have know people who couldn't cope and slipped into addiction, even physical dependency, others who wake up one day and just stop. they've done enough. It is not good that it is such a big part of your parents life and I can see why you are concerned but I wonder what you can actually do about it. I have a relative in their 80s who has drank rigidly for years and is facing a future without alcohol and is constantly talking about how their life is no longer worth living and shouting at people constantly. Which is not fun to deal with. Alcoholism in older adults has been a problem in society for some time I believe, I have privately wondered about how the pandemic has exacerbated the issue but I haven't seen any statistics about it. I personally don't drink at all, I have seen too much damage from alcohol.

As to what you can do to intervene, well that would be very little in my experience, other than relaying your concerns. I have known three relatives who had alcohol addiction and it is very hard to do anything, the only point you can step in is when you are asked for support as the person themselves realises the problem. It's a difficult road but it's own of those things you have no control over, and thinking you do, or wanting to enforce some sort of control over the situation can just make it all the more stressful.

There is absoloutley nothing that you can do.

This is their choice.

It's a lot to drink but not extreme (if it stays at those levels). It sounds like they are aware, in that they both have 2 alcohol-free days each week (do they really?). But it also sounds like they 'need' this structure to contol their drinking - that would be a concern to me.

If this has been their pattern for a long while, then it is unlkely to change.

have a very clear routine of what and when they drink which is based around the day of the week (roughly a beer or two, half a bottle of wine and a whisky or two each day)

Do you mean they drink this each, every day? So each have a beer + half a bottle of wine + whisky every day? Or it’s spread out differently?

I think if they’ve always been drinkers it is to a certain extent generational. I’m not sure there’s much if anything you can do to intervene- ask them to cut back for health reasons, but be prepared to be told it’s none of your business.

As to whether it escalates or becomes problematic, I don’t think it’s that easy to answer. You’re clearly concerned - is that because the refusal to deviate from it is restrictive to family life in some way (I.e. they’d choose drinking over seeing grandchildren, or whatever)? Or because you’re already seeing health consequences?

So is it like each one of them has a beer or two with lunch then each has a half a bottle with dinner and then a whiskey or 2 each after dinner with TV or something?

there isn’t really a lot you can do, it’s their life.

FIL increased his drinking, he just got earlier and earlier. His teatime wine and evening Scotch became a 3pm afternoon drink, then a lunch time drink, by the end he was starting at 11am and drinking a couple of litres of scotch a week along with half a dozen bottles of wine.

Thank you all for your answers! In a way, it’s helpful just knowing other people have had similar experiences. Sadly I think you’re right - they have to decide to change things, nothing I can do or say can make a difference. It just makes me feel so sad that they put this habit ahead of everything else. No health or functional consequences as yet - just a clear message of where their priorities lie.