I’ve been with a wonderful man for 6 months, known him many years due to knowing his family. He broke up with his wife of over 20 years 18 months ago after she left him and the children for someone else. They have 3 children 2 are grown up and want nothing to do with their mother after she never had contact for over a year. The youngest has just been the subject of a court order at her request and she sees him a few hours a week of which he is reluctant. My partner is doing his best to encourage the relationship but it’s not going well due to her lack of enthusiasm and crying everytime she sees the child.
my problem is, I was single for many years before we got together, I was happily single. My child has left home. I’m finding the divorce he’s going through hard, as he is, the constant talk of his ex, not in a good light and only because he’s really stressed about it all so she is mentioned. All his adult life has been with her, every memory with her. I’ve mentioned my insecurities and he rightly said we are building OUR memories now, which we are. We live 35 miles apart but he’s hoping to move to my town once divorced and house sold, which is his home town and where his family are. Currently we spend quite a bit of time apart due to work but I’m lucky as my job enables me to have quite a lot of ‘chunks’ of time off. I obviously spend my time at his due to the children and school etc. he cleared a load of space in his wardrobe for me to put stuff, I certainly wasn’t rooting, but on the floor of the wardrobe there are a few family photos in frames which he’s never got rid of. He has lost interest in his house now and wants rid but everywhere I look I see her. Don’t get me wrong there are no personal possessions but she chose the kitchen, she chose the bathroom, every holiday he mentions was with her, every concert he went to was with her.
he’s told me the last 5 years of his marriage weren’t happy, she’d told him then she didn’t love him but they’d tried to work things through. I used to see them at family events they always appeared happy? To the point I once told him I’d love to have what they had! He also told me he’s always liked me, he never acted on it tho he was completely faithful. I feel I’m ruining something really good based on my insecurities. I’m finding it hard that she was such a big part of his life, stupid I know. She comes up a lot at the minute in conversation due to the divorce and child access. It really spoils our day as he’s then really stressed. That sounds really selfish but I’m finding it difficult and that’s how I feel. I encourage him to share his feelings and he never hides things.
Anyone have any advice?