My mad Mother.

[crappestmum]

OK. My mother has been obsessed by Xmas all my life. Wants it to be the best day of the year etc. Since being married, we have had joint Xmasses with my Husband's mother too. Our families are chalk and cheese and to be honest it's always been very tense. Last year there was a huge bust up between my mother and MIL and we vowed to do alternate Xmasses which my mother agreed to (miracle!).

We spent this Xmas with my parents which went ok, a few days later Mum spoke to me and told me that if she didn't spend every Xmas with her grandchildren it would be ruined and would be my fault. She said all her friends agreed and that this is the fair way, the decision to do the 'right thing' was now mine.

My MIL is very uninvolved with the kids, never phoning etc whereas my Mum is the opposite. However I can't stop my MIL from seeing her son at Xmas forevermore but it will break my Mum's heart. They both live three hours plus away.

I'm in a no win situation. Any help would be appreciated.

Oh god - pressure for Christmas 2008 already? I thought I was the only one!!

My current reply goes along the lines of "It is January. I refuse to discuss this until October at the earliest".

And October is being bloody generous if you ask me.

tell your mother to grow up adn stop emotionally blackmailing you?

Sorry not much help but she is acting like a child.

Surely this situation is her and MILs fault as things were going fine until they rowed?

Could you do a regular boxing day with MIL - presents, and a meal with crackers, etc. that's what we do with FIL and his wife.

Ask her to explain how her spending every Christmas with her grandchildren but your MIL spending every Christmas without her grandchildren is the right thing to do??

Tell her that this is emotional blackmail and that you thought she was more mature than that.

Massive sympathy. My mil was a real cow very difficult on Christmas Day and made things very tense. She then threw a strop on Boxing Day.

However, she announced they are going away this year (said in temper I believe) but I shall take her at her word and we shall make plans accordingly . Ha, she normally asks mid-Dec what we are doing...looking forward to saying innocently "oh but we thought you were going away!"

Tell her that after much soul-searching, you have decided not to spend any more Christmases with her, but that she mustn't worry about you, because you think you will be able to live with the guilt.

Stay at home and don't see any of them.

exactly tell your mum if she cant be fair you will spend it alone. My cunning plan of having a muslim mil who lives in a different country and mum who lives miles away works well