Social relationships of extremely introvert man

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Hi,
First of all, I don't expect from other people to solve my problems and fears. I just felt that it would help me if I would share my experiences with other people, even under alias since I'm to shy to go under my real identity. I have a lot of troubles with connecting to other people of any sex in any way. I don't have any friends. Of course, I haven't ever had a girlfriend even thought I'm in my early twenties. I'm a very introvert man and never really wanted to hang out with people. But that doesn't mean that I love situation in which I am either. I think that I would be more than happy to have just one best friend, which would happen to be my wife too. That would be more than enough for me to feel happy. But, I feel that that is just out of my reach. There are many reasons why. I have an extremely negative opinion about myself. I have so many different fears from many things and don't get along well with people at all. My mother has beeing saying to me since my childhood that anyone who spend 5 minutes with me already can't stand me. I'm finishing college but I'm figuring even if I manage to have a good career, with a decently payed job, to do a job that I like, I would still be very unhappy because of my loneliness. Therefore, when I'm thinking about myself, I feel that I am a very unsuccessful person, just because there is simply no way for me to have a wife, possibly kids and family of my own. Although according to my therapist I'm not unsuccessful, I feel that potentional successes in career cannot be supstitute for unsuccessfull family life. I just think that human isn't made to live alone. Why do I think that I can't have a life like that? Well, I'm not feeling comfortable among other people. I'm always feeling awkward and think that people around me think that I'm a weirdo, or crazy or whatever negative. I always have a priori negative opinion on people I don't know very well or at all. I'm not even seeing other people that often since I don't have any friends. I'm going to cinema, theater or anywhere alone. I'm not speaking with my colleagues on college. Rather, I'm standing alone at the corner looking at my phone because I'm too afraid and fear that I would say something stupid and that they would think that I'm weird or crazy or whatever. I'm actually quite a lot terrified from other people, thinking that nobody would ever want to hang out with me even if I would try. And finally, I'm just so shy. It not so bad for a girl, because man are usually flirting with women and they just have to answer, not to start anything. As a conservative person like I am, I feel that it is a little bit inadequate when girl start flirting with a man but that just closes the bubble I created around me. I would like to hang out with and marry a nice, pretty, intelligent, decent girl that doesn't behave too much freely but I'm too shy to aproach such a girl. One could say, therefore, that I like situation in which I am right now but that just isn't the case. I actually felt great and awkward at the same time during my practice work because I had to hang out and talk with my temporary colleagues informally. I was especially glad to spend some time with one female colleague as well. In company of other people of course. She is very beautiful, nice, kind, has a wonderful smile and is a several years older than me, but I don't care. I guess that I'm pretty much in love with her and from everything I learned about her during that short period of time I think that I would marry her but that's just not going to happen. I think that no normal girl would ever want to marry me. I would best describe myself as a walking fear. I can't imagine a normal, reasonable girl have a crush on a guy like that. I was that shy that I haven't even ask her if she has an social media account. I just don't know how to burst that bubble around me and not to be unhappy and sad anymore. Any kind word would mean a world to me, thank you in advance.

I think you need to get as far away from your Mother as possible, I had a similar parent and even at almost 50 I can still hear the things she used to say along the same lines.

Its not true. You come across as a thoughtful, intelligent and kind young man who is letting fear dominate your life. Smile at people, make little positive steps to interact. Keep going to therapy, find words you can use in your mind to combat the negative talk from your mother.

Work on building social friendships first, let romance come later

A normal girl will want to marry you.

You are not what your mother told you. You are a young independent man, ready to take on life in your own way. You have a career to look forward to starting, getting your own place, your own money - your own life - finding your voice

I would recommend listening to Jordan Peterson. He has a new programme out specifically designed for young men to get out into the world. Knowing his other stuff, I think it would be brilliant for you.

see here

Preview of that programme is here

I made a list of things I saw other people do that made me feel respect for them. Every time I thought 'Wow!' when someone did something, I put it on the list. After a little while, I picked a thing or two off the list, and started to do them myself. I run marathons now. I play the piano. I cook good food. I donate blood. It increased my self confidence miles.

I'd suggest you do a similar project (it's long term, and you can start right now) on yourself. Don't worry about careers or relationships or having children. Just do your project on yourself. If it's all you do for 5 years, it'll be the best 5 years you've spent.

Your mum isn't the authority on what an excellent person is. She's not even one herself. No respectful human being would treat her son the way she's treated you. Don't give someone so flawed such power over your opinion of you.

Hi, you sound very nice to me. You need somehow, probably with some professional help to get some self belief. It sounds like you have a MASSIVE childhood trauma to deal with in the shape of your mother's cruel comments. Honestly anyone of us would end up feeling crushed and low if our mother's had said this, it sounds beyond cruel and abusive .
The problem here is NOT you it is the way you've been treated. But you can't fix the way you've been treated in the past but can take steps to curb it's effect on you.
Try to focus on looking after yourself first and the rest will follow. You need positive input into your life, professionally and otherwise eg spending time doing things you enjoy. Don't compare yourself to other people in relationships, everyone's different.
Finally, I listen to a lot of behavioural experts/ analysts on You Tube and they always say that most people are not confident about themselves although they might seem it.
Look after yourself, don't be hard on yourself, you have done really well.

When I read your post I remembered this article that I read recently:

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2022/jul/24/if-you-are-hurt-by-rejection-then-take-the-rejection-therapy-challenge

Not saying you should follow this exactly, but maybe you could work with your therapist to start trying some things. Even if you start small, it'd be something.

I think you need to get as far away from your Mother as possible, I had a similar parent and even at almost 50 I can still hear the things she used to say along the same lines.

This. Absolutely this.

I was talking to a colleague recently - he expects people to love him. I don't. Such a different outlook on life. I count myself very lucky if they like me at all, and at 50, I can still hear my mother (dead for over a decade) telling me I'm too selfish for anyone to love me. Rationally, I know she was talking bollocks. Emotionally, I still wonder how much truth she was speaking. I've been single most of my life, and the relationships I have done have mostly been long distance. Don't be me. Escape your mother.