I’m late thirties female, happily together with my husband for 15 years, we now have a preschooler and I just gave birth to twins a couple of weeks ago, which could account for what I’m going through but not sure.
I’ve always been sentimental about the time when I was in my late teens at school, and read my teenage diaries from time to time to reminisce.
I grew up on a street with 2 other boys my age but because we were all so awkward and shy, we never ended up hanging out or even talking. I fancied both of them at various points when I was 14/15 but lost interest from lack of contact.
In the last year, one of the boys has been in my dreams countless times which I thought was pretty bizarre as I hadn’t thought about him in years. Most recently, I’ve started daydreaming about made up scenarios in which we were friends and hanging out. I embellish these daydreams each time with conversations and I feel like I’m living these out in my head constantly whilst also going through the motions of my real life- which currently involve feeding and nappy changing the twins and looking after my older child.
I’m so in the habit of daydreaming like this that I feel like I can’t switch my brain off from it, they are also bittersweet because I regret that we weren’t friends and that these scenarios aren’t real. I think of real situations that happened when I could have chatted with him or been friendlier, I feel wistful and regretful that I didn’t.
I looked him up on Facebook the other day which was a mistake, I noticed he was friends with a lot of people I was friends with at school (we went to different schools) so we could have been friends too.
I don’t want to make contact with him, he seems to be happily married with a baby and it would be the most random thing as we’ve never talked or been in touch before. If I ever get super nostalgic and feel the urge to follow him on social media, I forcefully tell myself “he’s a fantasy, he doesn’t think about you, what would be the point?”
I just want to get these daydreams out of my head and move on from the past. I don’t know if this is a hormonal reaction or an escape from the mundane repetition of looking after 2 newborns. My husband and I haven’t been intimate for a few months as I was heavily pregnant and now recovering physically. I love him so much and I love our family.
I literally have no one to talk to about this as it would come across in the wrong way.
Please tell me what to do, I’m starting to worry about myself.