Online dating - anyone?

[Okigen]

I used to use online dating sites before the pandemic and had positive experience with it, met various interesting people including my ex. Fast forward now I want to get into the dating scene again, and opened a Bumble profile (never used it before). Strange things happened. Men liked my profile but when I matched them and sent first message (which I tried to refer to their profile rather than just a generic hello) they either unmatched or just let it expire.

Does anyone have the same experience or just me managing to bomb my profile somehow? My photos are ok I think (I'm a reasonably attractive woman). Admittedly my bio doesn't have the popular stuffs (travel, sports etc.) but it's the same as I used to have pre pandemic and I didn't have any problems with it. Is there something I may have done wrong? Or it's just the case of difficulty in being matched once you are 33?

I'm not on the dating side of Bumble but the same thing happens to me on the friend side too
Tbh I've also let conversations expire if I've been busy or just forgot etc
I don't think it will be anything you have done wrong

I find bumble horrific. A couple of years ago it was ok but now I think lots are fake profiles bumble adds to like you but then you have a drought and they try to con you into seeing who likes you in the hope of a match.
Considering I swipe right so infrequently I regularly run out of people to swipe, I'm never going to pay to see who likes me as I've already swiped left on them, surely?! Or we would have matched...!

My tip would be never message first on OLD. Men will always message first if they're genuinely keen.
But it's hard to say if you've done anything wrong as you haven't said what you put in your bio.

Ime most men swipe right on everyone, and then only actually look at your profile if you 'match'. It's selfish but saves them time.

On POF it shows who has viewed your profile, who has liked your profile and who has liked and viewed your profile. About 90% have liked without viewing. Pointless.

Interesting that you mentioned fake profiles. How do you know they are fake? (So I can avoid them in the future!).
Yes I find the second point rather cheeky too.

I agree with this but Isn’t bumble the site where women have to message first? It’s one of the reasons I would never use it.

Oops! You're right, Biscoff. Have only ever used Tinder and POF.

I met DP on Bumble. The key is to wait and see whether they extend the match. In my experience about a third of men will extend if you don't message them. Then, you know that they are keen and the ball is back in your court.

The reason for this is that some men are dicks and will right swipe everyone for an ego boost. Don't give them one.

I messaged my husband first when we matched.
First date within 48 hours. Slept with him on second date. Spent whole if first weekend together. Married after 3.5 years.

I think there are no hard and fast rules just decent men who want relationships and then men who don't.

My husband did OLD for a long time and believe you me some of the women were just as bad as the men

@Musicaltheatremum
I have heard this from men too - some of the woman have been horrific. Alot of men are giving up on online dating too these days.

Eh, I have never thought of this before. May try and see how it goes 😶

I used to do this too.

My daughter me her fiance on bumble and my son his long term girlfriend on tinder during lockdown so our family have positive experiences with OLD.

Joining in here to vent my frustration! I get the conversation started (cheeky comment about something on their profile gets the conversation started probably 3/5 times).
After 3 months, I have arranged a total for 4 dates with guys off Bumble and they all either ghosted me or changed their mind just beforehand. I’m not sure why?! Is it just a game? I’m on the verge of giving up.

I have also had the same experience. I suppose a lot of them are just timewasters who are not serious about finding a partner

Might be worth trying different sites. I found bumble a bit of a slog. Met a couple of nice guys on match and am currently in a lovely new relationship with a man I met on Hinge. On Match (prob other paid sites too) people seem more invested. On Hinge, most give a bit more of themselves away and show their quirks rather than just generic copy and paste blurbs and endless swiping.

I’m on Hinge as well. I do think it’s slightly better, I like that you can comment on a specific photo or comment to get conversation started. I haven’t tried Match, partly because I’m skint and partly because my friend said she had some really awful experiences on there. Same for POF.
Seems I made a noob error by contacting the guys between arranging a date and going for the date?! Googled it and the expectation is you arrange the date and then leave it til just before to confirm 🤷🏻‍♀️ wondering if there’s a rule book somewhere I could read? Will try ignoring the next one and see if he turns up 😂

@ThisWormHasTurned just read female dating strategy, there's a handbook somewhere. If you follow it, you'll find some nice men who treats you well. Be ruthless though

That’s great. Thanks. I am ruthless. If they seem questionable or ghost me I tend to block..would be nice to go on some dates though!

I’ve had loads of luck on Bumble and lots of dates with some really nice guys, including my current bf. I’ve never been stood up or ghosted and as far as I remember all have responded to my messages. I’m 45. I much prefer Bumble to other sites as it’s female-led so don’t get approached by creeps. I wonder if it’s area dependent.

Bumble is good in that respect but I think a lot of men swipe right on everyone in the hope that someone will reply whereas you need someone who thinks you have common ground too.

Once the date is arranged I definitely don't think it's necessary to keep the conversation flowing as much. You want to avoid building up too much anticipation and investment in terms of time and emotion until you have actually met. The person could be nothing like you're expecting, for good or bad and it's better for resilience not to create an expectation beforehand. If you don't hear anything say, the evening before the date though, it's worth checking in to say 'are we still on for tomorrow?'.

I've had some really nice relationships off OLD in my search for the right one long term and my main tips would be to meet quickly, no texting for weeks; be ruthless about logistics. Set a travel limit and stick to it. If in real life you met an amazing guy 400 miles away then ok, maybe you would both try and run with it and give things a go but there's no point starting out not being able to see each other regularly. You want to get the relationship offline as soon as possible; if it doesn't feel quite right as in easy, conversation flowing, a good amount in common, physical attraction, wanting the same things, regular contact then it probably won't improve. Not personal and nothing wrong with you but just incompatibility. Cut your losses and move on.