Husband has Mental health problems and says he sees people?

[lovethehighlands]

My DH used to be a martial artists (besides his busy job as a carpenter and father to two of our gorgeous little boys). He really turned this hobby into an intense passion and got my boys involved but I tried but didn't take to it.

he used to train intensely 5 days a week, taking throws on his body, knocks to his head, coming back home from "Wednesday night" also known as fight night in his place black and blue all over.
he stopped just before the pandemic, sometimes it would get a bit too much when he travelled places even abroad and sometimes he turned it into a holiday for us when we went with him. But many a nights were spent alone.
anyway the pandemic has ruined everything. His class came crashing to an end and its had a devastating impact.
His work has suffered and does the minimum. He would put huge amounts of effort into refining his skills on the mat which translated to his day job. something to do with japanese philosophy?

anyway rambling on the knocks on his head, kicks etc i reckon and losing his mates and connection has made him delusional, angry and extremely depressed. Tonight he was sitting on the chair and he didn't know i was their and he was talking to himself. seems like he's reliving the happy days again.

He was saying his mates name and talking to him (most who i know for years). i've noticed this other times sounds in the toilet i crept up to the locked door and he was like he was talking to his mate in the toilet. however his phone was in bedroom.

sometimes i notice him in the evening once the boys have gone to bed sitting their staring into something like is imagining he's in another place. he doesnt smile anymore. rarely when before he was like a cheshire cat when he walked through the door.

i said to him what is it. He said "Wales 2014". he was talking about the summer when he won this top award after several days of competition.
all his mates have moved in all over. All the classes in the area have shut as things aren't affordable to run. The other places he attended have even scaled back.
i don't want to get him committed. He isn't violent todays me but he has shown outburst to things when he's been alone. He punched a wall, he was shouting at his car. Where has that once smiling happy confident man gone.

@lovethehighlands

Sorry to hear your update.

Is there a Crisis and Treatment team in your area (CAT team)? Some hospitals have those teams which are psychiatric nurses, go to your house, assess him and get the ball rolling on his treatment. They would follow up and get the resources he needs, dr appointments, medicines or even hospitalization (which would speed up treatment).

It sounds like he should get better with the correct treatment. I've seen worse but it really depends on having support, finding correct combination of medicines and changing lifestyle to avoid triggers.

Start with your GP who should do bloods and other physical examinations. They can also refer him to mental health services if needed, every area should have an Early Intervention in Psychosis team who would start by seeing him and assessing him.

Good luck OP

I really feel for you. It’s so hard. I have been through a very similar thing with my husband. Every case is different but I managed, finally, to get him to the doctor. He was suffering from depression and was having a nervous breakdown. He could hear and see things and was intensely paranoid. I’m not saying this is what your husband has, so many variables and causes when it comes to mental health.
Try as hard as you can to get him to a doctor. Maybe even ask one of his friends to help. Good luck xxx

DF hallucinated people around him due to Parkinson's - also had sagging face and shuffling gait, and eventually a tremble.

gosh sorry to hear this. Basically he's still what I'd call "functioning" like gets up goes to work (comes home shattered as summers are really busy in his trade 12 hour shifts are standard right now) and he simply just sits in his armchair puts the telly on and doesn't say a word all evening. He'll very briefly chat to the boys but he doesn't smile, just reads them books, tucks them in. all without expression.
all evening i try to start a conversation once the boys are in bed and all i get is small grunts, nods and nothing more. just stares at the telly.
i sometimes just get up and go to sleep or chat to my mates on watsup and he'll just walk up at around 11:30 climb in and face the other way and sleep away.
gets up in the morning (he sometimes goes to the gym or does a run) then changes, grabs some brekkies, tools from the shed and the lunch i make and off he goes.

I feel this is a man who is spiralling into a downward depression. he seems to be bottling lots of stuff up. Thanks all again for the tips I'll ask for referrals next week.

Honestly? I think you should leave. I sympathise with him, I really do. But you can't live like this. He needs to notice his own behaviour and whilst everything is being handed to him, this won't happen

He sounds like even then he had delusions of grandeur. It’s not normal to sit and scan the room to be on the alert for trouble. Or to get into a scuffling play fight with a friend while changing a tire. I wonder if he was completely ‘right’ before all this happened.

"I tried on our hols to put him in the mood as i know what turns him on."

Why are you trying to initiate sex with a man who is clearly mentally unwell?

I'd be thinking brain injury. He's very ill if so. You must get help. Can you contact someone from his old club alongside the NHS help he clearly needs

Feeling the need to always sit with his back to a wall - this is a classic PTSD symptom. Has he ever been in the armed forces or emergency services, or suffered a violent attack that you know of? An enthusiasm for martial arts and physical fitness goes along with this very often, it's a subconscious compulsion to avoid being seen as a potential victim.

It's possible lockdown removed those coping strategies and his mental defences fell apart .

His behaviour as you've described it sounds very familiar from my own experience when my PTSD was at its worst. I just about managed to drag myself through work but had no emotional energy for anything else. I could not express any emotion for fear the dam would break. All my energy went into fighting off the flashbacks.

I too was reluctant to see the GP and in the end my partner made me an appointment, drove me there, and he came in with me and told the gp what was happening. I just nodded along. I'm not saying that's necessarily the right thing in your situation but I think you may have to take control here because your husband is clearly very very unwell and needs help urgently.

It's a horrible situation for all of you. I hope he gets the help he needs 💐

I think you may have to take control here because your husband is clearly very very unwell and needs help urgently.

This. When my husband was very mentally ill I had to make the GP appointments, bring him there, go into the appointments with him and do most of the talking. If you love him and want him to get better this is what you have to do. It sounds like this has escalated to a point where he can't help himself. You need to get him help ASAP. If that isn't something you are willing to do then you need to tell someone else that cares about him(his parents perhaps?) so that they can get him the help that he needs.

Hi OP, You’re describing a clinical depression, all the symptoms your husband has are 100% tipical of a depression. I went through one 7 years ago and that’s exactly how I behaved. Your husband was probably getting all the adrenaline from his fighting and once that got cut of all the adrenaline got shut down causing his dopamine levels to shut of. He needs medical help, and support at home (which I’m sure you’re giving him). Encourage him to continue his workouts, to talk to a male therapist and get him out of his “shell”. Depression is an illness, nothing to be laughed at or swept under the rug. Left untreated it can have devastating consequences. What cured mine was a session of magic mushrooms given under a psychologist supervision. It totally reset my brain. I had to go to Holland because it’s not legal in the UK. Best luck.

OP I think you also need to change your perspective massively here and realise your dealing with a very mentally unwell man.

Your going on holidays, trying to give him alcohol and have sex meanwhile he’s hallucinating and unable to crack a smile.

You need to put your ‘fun’ aspects of your relationship to the side for a moment and seriously prioritise the health and well-being of your husband. Once that’s dealt with then the ‘fun’ aspects will return. But you can’t skirt around his mental health with visiting bars and initiating sex hoping he’ll just snap out of it and join in with the fun.

Book a GP appointment on his behalf and I go with him. Ring your local mental health team for advice.

Please don't recommend narcotics ffs! Her husband is mentally unwell. A friend's younger brother ended up with diagnosed Schizophrenia from ONE session of Magic Mushrooms. He will have it for the rest of his life now and it happened when he was just 19! It's playing with fire.

As far as I'm aware, you can't book GP appointments on anyone's behalf. GDPR.

Please do some research and educate yourself. Google psilocybin treatment and depression.

He hasn't even been diagnosed with anything. He needs to be seem by medical professionals not be treated with mushrooms by a wife that also thinks and glass of wine and good sex session will cure him.

dear OP, i think you are coping at the moment by trying to ignore how seriously ill he is.
you are not choosing to do so, it is a form of denial.
you need to seek urgent medical help.
can you look up local nhs services, or ring 111, or write/email your GP or his.
please do something esp as young children are involved.

I’d call your GP and speak to them. It really looks like he is having significant MH issues

I really think you need to speak to the GP. I agree it could be either a mental heath issue or a medical one, such as a brain injury. It maybe the GP and/or the mental health team may need to do a home visit if he's not willing to engage with services.

Yes you can! You can’t attend that persons GP appointment without then or ask for any information but you can certainly book GP appointments on someone’s behalf without asking for any information.

im a social worker for adults and book GP appointments for people all the time!