My partner won't support me through a scary time

[Lou8788]

Hi Ladies

Wondering what your take is on this. Four years ago I was diagnosed with a pituitary tumour (benign). This has made fertility hard but has also just made me feel not great. My symptoms recently unexpectedly got much worse, very suddenly. I went to see my specialist who thinks the tumour has grown, and I am currently going through tests. I had an MRI this week and my partner told me he would be there but didn't show up. Because I thought he would be there I didn't ask anyone else to come with me. I don't mind being alone, but I didn't mentally prepare for it and I was really nervous about it considering the consequences fo the outcome.

He is acting really bizarre, won't support me and even tells me I am being a hypochondriac if I try and discuss it with him. I barely talk about it and feel I have to hide it from him when it is affecting me so that I don't upset him.

Is this some kind of grief response, or is he just a terrible person?

Thank you x

I am sorry you have health stress just now

Your husband is being incredibly unsympathetic, and this must not be helping. Have you usually been able to talk to him during your marriage? I don't know how to interpret, but you really should be able to rely on him to attend etc.

Sadly he’s a horrible person. Hope your diagnosis stays benign, wishing you lots of luck and strength.

He's doing what my ex used to do. Pretend it isn't real and then it can be ignored. Don't go to the hospital or the gp and you can pretend some more.

Your dp is a coward. He's uncomfortable with the idea of illness, and so leaves you to cope on your own, and then calls you a hypochondriac. I don't know why men do this but a lot of them do. It's as if being ill somehow challenges their masculinity and so they refuse to be part of it.

You can't go through life with a partner who lets you down at the critical moment when you need him. Or having to hide your illness like it's something to be ashamed of.
Is there a specialist nurse who can speak to him? Or perhaps better to kick him out and find someone who cares?

I think you already know the answer.

xxxx

Sounds like one of those people who "don't do sickness", like they get the choice to opt out and leave you to manage alone.

Does he understand what a pituitary tumour is, what the repercussions are ? My DH has had one removed and it had a major effect on his health.

If your partner doesn't know much about it, it will be easy for him to stick his head in the sand , and convince himself that you are exaggerating. Make sure he truly understands the situation,and if you are seeing red flags, you might need to reevaluate your relationship.

My friends ex was like this. When my friends mum got diagnosed with cancer he went really strange and was really unsupportive. Luckily she had friends to rely on but she never forgot how much more difficult he made it for her.

How he is treating you isn’t ok and support during medical investigations is kind of basic level human empathy, especially with someone who is supposed to love you.

im so sorry that you don’t have the support you need from him. Make sure you take a friend or family to any further appointments. Hoping all your investigations come back clear x