Why is my mum saying this?

[uiuw]

When I found out I was pregnant and dp had left me for someone else around the same time, she immediately said ‘you won’t cope.’ I said ‘people do cope because they have to.’ She said ‘people do. You won’t.’

she’s since been more supportive generally but I can tell she is just waiting for me to mess up. It’s ruined pregnancy as I’ve been so worried about it all. She will often make comments about ‘how unbelievably hard it is,’ as if it’s something awful she had to endure. i remember her being extremely stressy when I was a child and everything felt very full on and intense.

I am worried as I live a walk away from them and I don’t think I can deal with their spotlight on me. I almost think she’s looking forward to me struggling.

not sure why I am posting I’m just really apprehensive now and I didn’t feel that way before.

She wants you to feel small and miserable and scared because deep down she feels small and miserable and scared.

She found being a mum impossibly hard, so it is vital for her self esteem that you also find it impossibly hard. If you can cope, it means that she should have been able to cope, but failed. Basically, if you can't do it, it's OK that she couldn't do it.

You need to put more distance, both physical and mental, between you and your mother who puts you down; is it possible for you to move out of the area?.

Its not your fault she is like this and you did not make her that way. It may be her mother behaved similarly to and around her from childhood onwards but its no excuse. She had a choice when it came to you and she's likely repeated what was done to her. She has not changed really since your own childhood and I would think her "support" comes with its own heap of obligation/conditions attached or is purely monetary (a way of further controlling you).

Where is your dad here; is he still with your mum?.

I would certainly stay away from them going forward and keep your child away from them too.

Do you have friends locally to help and or support you here?.