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Original poster

Messaging first

13 replies

originalandworst · 03/08/2022 11:19

Against my better judgment, I've signed up to an online dating site. The one where woman have to message first.

My problem is, I have no idea what to say. I've been on it a few weeks now and I have swiped right on anyone as I haven't felt ready. Was just nosying, really. But I feel I should bite the bullet and get on with it.

But what is acceptable as an opening line?? I know 'Hey, how are you?' doesn't really cut it.

There is one guy that keeps popping up and he has such a lovely and kind smile that I want to swipe him. That sounds ridiculous, but there we go Grin

He's not written very much, just his hobbies. No job or intro information.

Anyway... how do others get the messaging going?

OP posts:
Blsp · 03/08/2022 11:21

Tbh. "Hey, how are you?" Worked for me.

yellowsmileyface · 03/08/2022 11:28

Oh I'm a sucker for a nice smile! Do you share his hobbies? Perhaps you could mention one of those? For instance if he's put he likes travelling, ask him what are his favorite places he's visited.

Alternatively, when I've used bumble, I'll send a "would you rather" question. I found it to be an interesting ice breaker. With some guys it would instigate meaningful conversation, others would just send me a one word response, so in that sense I found it good for filtering out the guys who were low effort.

Welshgal85 · 03/08/2022 11:29

I think asking how he is is okay but I found some guys would just reply ‘good, you?’ Which was a bit frustrating and could be tricky to get into a conversation! Could you also ask about one of the hobbies he mentions? That may get him chatting a bit more.

I met my DP online and thought he had kind eyes and nice smile too 😊 and he is just as lovely as I thought from seeing his photos.

Good luck!

girlmom21 · 03/08/2022 11:32

There is one guy that keeps popping up and he has such a lovely and kind smile that I want to swipe him.

Tell him that.

Say "Hey, I've been on here for a few weeks and haven't plucked up the courage to swipe yet but you keep popping up and your smile has drawn me in" or something...

Sunnydayz · 03/08/2022 11:32

Oh how fun! 😀

I got bold and would open with a variation of “hey let’s meet” as I couldn’t be bothered texting for hours/days/weeks to then meet someone who you don’t click with, or fancy. (My friend is forever going this…. Such a waste of time!)

Is there enough on your profile to interest him? Pictures, stuff about yourself, your hobbies/interests, what you are looking for, etc. If so I’d start with something like “hello, you have a lovely smile, i’d like to find out a bit more about you, do you fancy meeting for coffee/going for a walk?”

Original poster
originalandworst · 03/08/2022 11:40

God, I got carried away with myself here.

It's Bumble. So he would actually have to swipe me too, before I could message him Blush

I cancelled premium, so I can't see if he's one of the ones who has swiped me.

He seems quite outdoorsy, which I'm all for in the right weather, but I'm clearly not sporty like he is.

Plus he's a good 25 miles away, and I'm not much of a driver.

But, I'm not going to focus too much on this one. Was just wondering how to start conversations in general.

OP posts:
Tiger2018 · 03/08/2022 11:47

Hey OP, I met my guy through bumble. Honestly just message something fun, maybe asking a question about what they have put on their profile. The more you do it, the easier it becomes. And if they don't message back or they don't fit with what you want, onto the next one. Go for it!

Tiger2018 · 03/08/2022 11:48

oh and you've already talked yourself out of the guy with the nice smile - try to not put imagined blockers in the way...

lOPAS · 03/08/2022 13:15

Swipe on him !! He might have swiped on you !!

Message about his hobbies or anything else that is written in his profile.. keep it light and fun !!

Oopsiedaisyy · 03/08/2022 13:42

25 miles is nothing!

So advice I got was mention something in their profile, shows that you have read it and are interested, it's not just a generic Hi message

daisyjgrey · 03/08/2022 15:11

I got so sick of "hi, how are you"s that I started opening with things like "would you rather have ladybirds as eyelashes or pickled onions for ears".

The ones who didn't bite clearly wouldn't be a great match, the ones who just went "er, what" were ones I binned off and the best ones either laughed and co granulated me on a good opener or answered and countered with a "would you rather" of their own.

I'm engaged now so it must've worked 😂

Original poster
originalandworst · 03/08/2022 20:27

@Tiger2018 is right. I'm talking myself out of it. I think I'm trying to push myself into it, in an attempt to get over another situation.

I think I'll wait until I come back from holiday next month and see how I feel about dating.

Thanks for the advice though! I'll come back to it.

OP posts:
easylisten · 03/08/2022 20:32

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