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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Ending 12 year relationship, help me find the courage

2 replies

Ooopsi · 02/08/2022 23:25

I’m just looking for words of wisdom and to vent really. Hoping there’s women on here that can just, I don’t know really listen or give me a kick.

a while ago I found out my Partner of 12 years ( I’m 29, his 32) had an only fans account. Just by luck really, I listened to a podcast and thought I’d try out his email address low and behold the email pops up on his Home Screen re forgotten password.
( I didn’t confront him about this)

anyway fast forward to yesterday, I turned on his old phone ( rightly or wrongly) I headed straight for his search history, and there it was months of looking at Adult work, Adult friend finder, escorts and so on.

I also had a look at his app history of all downloaded apps, all the way back until 2012 multiple downloads of pretty much hook up apps.

i’m heartbroken, and sitting on all of this atm. We have a child together, we live together and all that. Of course he’ll do what Everyman does when I confront him and try to spin it about me looking through his phone, I’m not scared or worried about being single I know I’ll manage. But it’s the initial raising the conversation, half of me is debating about continuing to sit on it but what good will that do. ( part from his re doing my kitchen atm and I need that finished) all jokes aside I am completely devastated, I just don’t even know how to approach the subject, I really wish I was one of them Women could fly off the handle right away, but it’s just not in my nature.

i hope someone can give me some words of advice, I have really good friends but just not what I want to share with them currently as I feel so embarrassed.

thank you x

OP posts:
moonlightbaby · 02/08/2022 23:55

So sorry you are going through this!

Wait until he has finished your kitchen and then bring up the conversation😂

Just be honest with him and tell him what you seen on his phone. Stand your ground if he tries to spin it on you going through his phone. He is the one worse off in this scenario.

When confronting him let him know you just want to talk about it and not argue so you have all the facts from him. Once you have all the facts then only you can decide what to do.

As you said you have supportive friends and family so they will stick by you and don't feel embarrassed to confine in them when you feel ready x

KarlWrenbury · 02/08/2022 23:57

Agree. But don’t explain. Just state. This isn’t for me for these reasons. Then decide how it’ll end

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