Cheating and getting married

[Purpleberet]

Curious about what peoples thoughts are about this.
Im feeling a bit disillusioned with the number of cheating partners I’ve come across recently. Several of them I’ve been genuinely shocked, from the outside you’d never guess, it’s often the ones posting on SM about their happy family and how much they love their OH.

Prompted by a recent situation, what is really confusing to me is why someone would repeatedly cheat on their partner behind their back (with different people) and then get engaged to their OH. Why do you think they decide to get married? Not that cheating in a relationship when unmarried is ok either…but why do you think people go that one step further in the first place if they’re already being unfaithful? Do they just think they can continue to behave the same while also having a committed husband or wife on hand at home, they get the best of both worlds? If their partner finds out maybe they think they’re less likely to leave if they have to divorce?
has anyone here been in this situation, directly or indirectly?

I know there’s no answers I’m just interested to hear what other people think. I’ve never been set on getting married and find myself questioning more and more why some people bother, especially the sorts who never intend on being faithful from the start.

They want to have their cake and eat it?
They think their spouse wont find out or will be more likely to stay with them if they do find out?
They think that getting married might deter them from cheating in the future as they'll be more committed from there on in? (they wont)
They are habitual liars/narcissists who tell people what they want to hear (ie "yes, I love you, let's get married) and then do something different behind the scenes?
They get off on the thrill of leading a double life?
They tell themselves that they love their wife/husband-to-be to bits and just need to get it out of their system before they settle down for good?

All are typical reasons why cheaters get married, there are probably more but these are the usual ones. It does basically boil down to wanting their cake and eating it - the stability of a "normal" relationship and the excitement of screwing around - I think it's generally as basic as that.

I know a situation like this. A couple had a long term affair, while both with other people. The two ‘official’ couples got engaged and married while all this was going on.

Im not close to anyone involved anymore, but 10 years on both the married couples are still together. I find it baffling, but it’s not my life!

No idea whether the cheaters are still shagging.

Various reasons really. Some want to sleep around and enjoy the thrill of it. Some have genuinely met someone they really connect with, but won't take the risk of leaving a secure relationship.

Cheaters come in all forms and they're not always who you suspect. Often it's the ones who you would think would never cheat. Life happens. Temptation happens.

If a cheater has kids, they're also less likely to just leave as they want to preserve their family unit, whilst also having fun on the side.

In my experience, many men are quite happy to be married, stay married or even get married all whilst having an OW, usually more than one. They want the stability, family life etc but also want fun, no strings attached sex and a bit of a thrill. They are on good terms with their wives, usually happy enough, have sex often enough etc. No real 'problems', yet they still want that bit extra and there are plenty of women who want the same.

More often than not, these are guys in their mid to late 30s upwards. Married a few years or in an LTR. Usually have kids. Usually middle class ish, good job, very outwardly respectable. Very careful. Usually not caught unless very careless.

Well I know quite a few blokes and more than a few women who have been down the "cheating" path. Some had LTR's that survived and some didn't. Those who were careful didn't get caught and in some cases went back to the LTR - for the latter it was just a phase.

Me - the guilt would kill me so that rules it out. Serial monogamy on the other hand I could live with.

Marriage is financial insurance. If men are going to cheat in a society which still underpays women then marriage makes sense for women.

I'm not sure your husband cheating is any more painful than your partner cheating.

But marriage is actually a very good idea if you think your partner may cheat because you'll get a better financial arrangement (if he earns more and men are still overpaid relative to women).