Is it ever worth it?

[Tryingtoohardtoday]

I’ve come to the realisation that I’m in love with my best friend - let’s call her K. Here’s the facts about the situation (nc’d as I am aware this is outing).

We have been friends for nearly 20 years. We have both been in long term relationships in that time but for me I would always rather spend time with K than my partner. Nothing sexual has ever occurred between us and K has only dated men, whilst I have dated both sexes, with a preference for women.

I want to be with K all the time, we share everything and know all about each other. We have supported each other through grief and trauma and have even lived together for a time when she was going through a rough patch and it worked so well. We have travelled the world on trips together and had the time of our lives.
I am aware I sound like a school girl with a crush, but for context I am late 30’s and K is late 40’s - both are professionals and neither of us have children.

Would I be crazy to tell her? Would it ruin the friendship? She is my world and I know that I mean a lot to her too. I don’t know what I want but the thought of being without her is terrifying. I couldn’t face the rejection or damaging the friendship by making K feel uncomfortable.
This isn’t normal, is it?

Tread carefully! Has she ever shown any inkling of interest???

She has only ever dated men.

Yes you would be crazy to risk your friendship.

Speaking as a straight woman who was approached for a date by a casual/recent friend (who is met sharing a room on a group holiday) : tread carefully.

I felt betrayed and angry that this woman had not mentioned to me that she was interested in women and cut contact with her when she hinted for a date as I felt she was duplicitous

Your friend may feel less comfortable about spending time with you/discussing intimate topics

That said, some women are open to same sex relationships and later in life. Perhaps spend some time gathering info/assessing your feelings. Perhaps start a conversation about that (eg comment on a celeb or something) to assess your friend’s perspective rather than going on with a full blown confession of your feelings.

Why are you feeling this way? Have you recently split from someone etc?

I think you will lose her if you reveal your true feelings. I think you would know if she felt the same. My advice is leave well alone

It really does depend on your friendship and dynamic together. I've had a very dear, lifelong friend tell me she'd leave her husband for me and loves me, I told her I loved her too and as much as I wished I was into women I'm not. I told her she could have a squeeze of my boobs, and I'd let her know if I ever changed my mind. We laughed, had a cuddle and got another drink. I honestly would marry her tomorrow if I was gay, she's bloody fantastic. Hasn't affected our friendship a bit and wouldnt be awkward if it came up again but I very much doubt the way we talk to each other is the norm.

Maybe test the water with some very lighthearted conversations first

Unless she feels the same (highly unlikely) then the friendship will be over.

Please don't. Sit with your feelings. Don't impose them on her.