Tarred with the Same Brush. Seriously Pissed off.

[Emprexia]

this is from my DH's LJ entry.. that he knew i'd read.

"anyway plans are in motion as to what the cash will be spent on,it would have been bills bills bills but as my life seems to be going through a bit of deja vu at the mo then mr harley and mr davidson might be getting a call.(the way things are going a big bike and a bright sunset are calling if you know what i mean)

the downs have been the deja vu,cant say too much on here but i can see me going through the same things i did about 15 years ago.my life at the moment appears to be repeating itself,same circumstances,same conditions.

its the old no money and spending too much time at work routine all over again(people that know me will know what that means)

at least this time around i know what to expect having been through it before so im better equipped to deal with it.

still wont be no fun going through it all again though.

Mood:cheated"

_

What happened 15yrs ago i hear you ask? His ex-wife got bored of being home alone and cheated on him, eventually breaking the marriage up, divorcing him and taking their 2yr old daughter with her.

Nice to know what he really thinks of me isn't it?

I want to have it out with him, but dont know what to say. Things aren't great between us but we've money problems and i've no sex drive, but he seems to think i'm rejecting him because i don't give him much affection... probably because every time i cuddle him he tries to initiate sex and i just dont want it, but he gets upset when i refuse, so i just avoid him.

What do i do?

Hi Kaishay,

He's right, you are rejecting him. When you refuse sex you are rejecting him. How would you feel it you asked him to kiss you and he said no?

I think it's pretty clear that your husband is either going to leave or start an affair. I think he's giving you a wake up call and a chance to save the relationship before he does something drastic.

Do something!!! Divorces are a lot more painful and a lot less fun than figuring out how to regain your chemistry together.

anybody?

Kaishay have you told him that you have seen this and you are upset by it and why.
Also have you tried to explain that not every hug has o lead to sex .
There is nothing wrong with just wanting a hug, not everyone is sex mad.

No real advice except talk it through with him .

I would find a relationship counsellor ASAP

Agree with Kimi, not every hug has to lead to sex. But some of them have to. Men won't put up with no sex.

Ask yourself, do you every initiate sex? Or do you think it's his "job" to get you in the mood. If your answer is no to the first and question and yes to the second I think you need to change your attitude towards sex. Pretty much all marital problems start and end in the bedroom.

We don't have No sex at all.. it can be anything from twice a week to once a fortnight.. and i do sometimes initiate.. but he works nights and sleeps all day, while i'm a SAHM with a 16mo to look after.

I'm tired or he is, or he doesn't come to bed until 2.5 hours after i've been asleep and expects me to wake up to do it, and sorry.. but i'm sleeping!

Whats annoying is everytime he comes near me he turns it into a grope, hands down my bra or getting all hot and heavy.. i've tried explaining i don't want to be mauled all the time, sometimes i'd just like a hug!

Well he sounds like he's getting laid enough considering you have a 16mo. And if your initiating it occasionally then for a guy that's better than winning lotto.

But from his behaviour he is definitely feeling insecure about your attraction towards him. Have you tried giving him some compliments about his appearance, cooking skills, gardening prowess etc

Personnally I like being groped, it's reassuring that my partner still thinks I'm hot but if it makes you uncomfortable then tell him you'd rather he demonstrated his passion for you by giving you a foot massage or giving you flowers or cleaning the sink.

I'm sorry, but I don't really agree with the previous posters. I don't buy into all this 'men need sex and if they don't get it they can't be held responsible for what they might do'. Bullshit. Human beings need sex and love. Unfortunately, lots of people lose their sex drive temporarily for periods of time during their lives (when their children are young being the classic time). It happens, and yes, it can be incredibly hard on a relationship, but I think it's fairly pathetic and weedy of your DP to 'leave around' a subtle threat to you - his partner and mother of his child - in such a childish way. If he really does think 'history is repeating itself', he should pull his finger out, because he is the only link in the chain between you and his ex wife.

I agree with LoveAngel.

FWIW my DH is not capable of just hugging or kissing me without groping me cos he wants a shag- it really pisses me off tbh.

I don't know if this is some mens way of showing affection? I wish I knew, but its annoying. Tell him to grow up. Its hard when you have young kids to get in the mood sometimes.