Does anyone else worry about leaving baby with nursery for these reasons….

[Sorvgb]

I worry about sexual abuse! I know it’s extreme but I can’t help it. I worry if they will be smacked. If they wil have to wait to be fed. If they will be lonely etc etc. I am deciding whether to go back to work 3 days or 4 and if I do 3 I skint I will ever be able to go up anymore when Dc is older. So stressed about it all. Any advice would be so helpful!

You know your worries are excessive, and are rightly concerned about the level of 'anxiety' you have about nursery.

That's not to say that your fears are 'irrational' or anything, just that the levels of fear you are experiencing are excessive.

It's natural to have worries/concerns about strangers caring for your DC, but you need to put your energies into finding a really good nursery, with great Ofstead ratings, where you would feel 'happier' about leaving them. You can also do a gradual introduction to the nursery, where you can be there with them to begin with, then slowly reduce the time you are present for etc, to give you and your DC the chance to get comfortable gradually before you need to return to work.

It might be a good idea to also book a therapy session to discuss your fears ?

Yep so I didn’t bother putting them in. I was a SAHM instead.

Would you feel happier finding a childminder? I preferred picking one person who I felt I could trust and knew what their approach was to childcare with my babies. Rather than with nursery not really knowing the individuals who were looking after them.

It’s certainly a risk
School too

and I home edded not for this reason but it was a bonus

I’ve now decided on school

you just have to be alert and ensure child knows what they need to know
and ask about the safeguarding policy and be as involved as possible

But they love nursery and often love school and you can’t deprive them because of fears

that’s not to say no school or nursery is intrinsically deprivation but it certainly can be

but nursery is not compulsory and neither is school

just be aware of your options, be involved with your child and their carers, and make the child aware

then just enjoy life

risks are everywhere

Well no, if people did work themselves up about these things generally they’d find it quite hard to live their lives.

I understand where you’re coming from OP. I have the same worries. I was very lucky I had family help so didn’t use nursery until my children were 3, when they could tell me about their day etc. I would worry about a baby who can’t tell you if they enjoy nursery etc / if something upset them. But obviously if childcare is needed then you just have to look at the options and try to find one you feel comfortable with. I think I’d feel more comfortable with a childminder myself if I found one that felt right, but some people argue that nursery is safer as there are more adults. I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ but you’re not crazy for your concerns. You’re just being a mum!

Abuse is far more likely to be perpetrated by a family member/family friend than in a nursery setting. I totally understand the anxiety but you also have to be realistic about the actual risk and the level of safeguards that are in place in a (good) nursery.

I would really encourage you to get some support for your anxiety as I don't think it's usual to have this level of worry. Waiting for a feed or to have some other need met isn't the end of the world. That's very different from being neglected or abused. If anything, they are probably more likely to have someone who can quickly respond in a nursery with multiple staff than with a childminder or a family member who has possibly more than one child, but also has to do things like prepare meals and snacks, use the toilet themselves, etc.

As for abuse, a nursery or school setting is probably the safest your child will ever be. There is a lot of supervision of staff, DBS checks, oversight, etc. I worried about this too when my eldest first started. Then I found out that a family member who had close (mostly supervised) contact with her had committed historical sexual offences against another child in the family. A few years later, we found out the same about another very close family member who had close unsupervised contact with both of my dc. I never would have guessed in a million years. They were hiding right under our noses. But definitely they would never had been able to work in a school or nursery, so I feel confident that the system generally does work to keep children safe.

Do what's best for you and your family. I went back 3 and then 4 days and then FT and I haven't regretted it. My dc were really well cared for at nursery.

I actually preferred my child to go to a nursery because I figured there is safety in numbers. They have rigorous checks and often cameras so felt safer than a childminder for example. I also liked that they were always in the same building and not out and about.

I didn't worry about sexual abuse because it was all women. Either mums themselves or young girls who are unlikely to abuse them sexually.

I was a sahm with my others but I then went on to worry about choking for example or them having their necks trapped or some other emergency and not being saved in time. I learned about that so that was what would have worried me.