I’ve been with DP for 2 years. I’m mid thirties and he’s 40 tomorrow. When we met we talked about kids straight away as I didn’t want to date unless someone had the same future in mind. He was very much of the view that yes wanted kids and marriages ‘of course, that’s what life is about.’ So we cracked on with our relationship. Fell in love. Adored the man actually. That said, I was his first relationship and it was quite hard at times to get him to open up into it, we went slowly. Sex after 7 months for example.
Anyway, a year ago we moved in and had a proper conversation about kids. To my surprise he said he wanted to be 45 when he started ttc. I said that would make me 38/39 and I didn’t want that. He said that all women panic and it’s usually not necessary (he works in medical field and dismissed my concerns). We argued, talked more, eventually settled on ttc in a year.
Strangely after that conversation he began to reference kids a lot. Said it would be absolutely amazing, he would be so happy if it ‘just happened.’ One morning he randomly said I’m almost hoping you’ll come to me and say you’re pregnant next week… to which each time I said we are using contraception so that’s unlikely!!
While on a weekend away we did get pregnant despite using a condom. I’m now 10 weeks and found out later on as obviously wasn’t looking for it and i don’t keep track of periods at all.
I told him the same day and he said it was great initially… and then for the last month or so become really withdrawn. Distant, very suspicious of me asking ‘what happened’ to mean I am pregnant…. It’s all floored me and upset me greatly. I’ve had moments where I’ve totally lost my cool with him and said he’s an absolute bastard for even saying that and said he should go and stay at a friends for a night if he’s going to put me through that questioning again. He will throw all this back in my face later on, saying how dare I have thrown him out all night and that I was out of order. Seemingly missing the point that it’s awful to be randomly and intermittently questioned about condoms that we both used.
I’ve had bouts of sickness and he’s been practically very nice, but the emotional side has disappeared. I can’t remember the last time he laughed with me and had a joke and he certainly doesn’t seem interested in the baby. He made one nice comment but other than that he’s said things like ‘I suppose we will have to find a bigger place if we’re apparently having a baby…’ I said what did he mean by apparently and he backtracked and said sorry you know what I mean.
He’s been so cold with me and quiet. He says he doesn’t want a termination and that he wouldn’t ask that of me but he’s not sure he knows how to be a dad or if he should be. This is NEVER something he’s so much as raised before and has always said he wanted a family more than anything. He’s began drinking more than his usual bottle a night and conversation has broke down.
im 14 weeks now and 35. Spent my entire 20s dating and my 30s and I’m so sick of 2/3 year relationships. I have considered termination but it’s not what I want.
one thing he did say was that I’ve changed since pregnancy and become stressed and snappy and demanding. I raised relocating after he started being off with me, as I wanted to be closer to family…he said he couldn’t do that and how could I ever suggest it etc etc. I’ve clearly made him stressed too but it was a momentary thing and we could have talked it over. He’s just made me feel like I don’t recognise him anymore.
I said to him this has happened basically 8 months earlier than our original plan so is it so bad and he said ‘that was a flexible plan.’ News to me! I’d been with him thinking we were on the same page.
not sure why im posting just feel utterly let down and I don’t feel happy with him at all. He’s right I’ve become cross and off with him but I don’t know what he expects when he’s treating me like this?! Is it me? Am I being unfair and don’t see it?