Friend issue

[Handholdarms]

I've come to realise just how selfish/self-centred my best friend is. She has always been a bit selfish/self-centred and I knew that and took it with a pinch of salt, but her recent behaviours/selfishness and something she said to me a few weeks ago has knocked me for six. I cant give any examples as don't want to risk being outted. I'm still a bit in disbelief at what she said to me, it has left a bitter taste in my mouth, so to speak. 4 weeks later and I'm still angry at what she said to me.

We have been best friends for over 20 years, we used to share a flat together in our uni days and I'm the godmother to her daughter. We and have practically lived in each others pockets during our time. We've had some great laughs and times over the years. But, what she said felt like the biggest slap in the face ever. I'm not sure if I can move past it. It may have changed the dynamics, for me anyways.

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Well its difficult to comment without knowing what she said but it sounds to me like this friendship has gone past it's sell by date. Move on and make some new friends.

Well, there's not really a lot to go on here, is there?

Unless you reveal what she said, people aren't really going to be able to help!

Without knowing the jist of the comment we really are unable to help.

she said something to the effect of 'If i really needed you then you wouldn't be there for me, I know for a fact you wouldn't'. I have done a hell of a lot for her over the last 20 years and have gone above and beyond what most people would have done. I have put myself out for her over and over again. This was like the biggest slap in the face ever. And it still stings 4 weeks later.

That sounds very upsetting. What did you reply?

What had you been talking about beforehand, OP? Do you think she was wanting to hurt you?

If that were me I would want to talk to her and find out what’s behind that. It’s possible over the years you have unconsciously or inadvertently let her down. Peoples perceptions of the same events can differ vastly. Maybe tell her what you said has upset and confused you and you want to understand her point of view? Then you can make up your mind whether it’s possible to salvage your friendship.

It's worth talking about to her surely? In person! No texting rubbish.

Say you want to talk about what she said and just ask why she said it. And listen.

When she has finished, you presumably have plenty of material to counter her claims.

I hope you can get it sorted.

I said ''of course I would be there for you. Like I always have been. Why are you thinking that''. She just said 'no you wouldn't, I just know you wouldn't'. We were talking about something completely different then this was said out of the blue by her.

This sounds like the type of thing I would've said and/or thought when I was in a deep depressive state. To depressed people, others never seem like they care, and you feel like a burden to them anyway.

Has she been going through something? Is she depressed? Is she harboring resentment from some particular time when you DID let her down (even if you didn't realize it at the time)? You'll have to ask her very directly to find out these answers; we won't be able to answer them for you.

I disagree entirely with PP who suggested that this friendship has run its course. No, obviously something is wrong, and you two need to have an honest discussion.