Entering a new relationship after 8 years.

[DaisyDooxox]

Hi all.

I am 26 (F) and came out of an 8 year relationship in March. He was unfaithful in the end and switched off from the relationship. He is now in the process of buying me out of the house while I live back at my parents place with my dog.

In the meantime, a few months ago, I met a 28 year old male online. He asked me out on a date and I thought ‘why not’, and the rest is history. It seemed like the perfect match from the beginning. He has his own place, a good job, his own dog and is content in his life.

We have both met each other’s parents and everyone says we are a great match.

I usually stay at his house on Wednesday nights and over the weekend. He even recently got me a key cut so that I could leave his later in the mornings (he gets up for work really early).

The thing I am struggling with is the dynamics of the relationship in the sense that I’ve come from a relationship where we were literally joined at the hip (living together, seeing eachother constantly), which is probably not healthy, but he’s come from having no previous serious relationship.

He can be confusing in the way that he shows me affection on his terms. He can be really gushy sometimes e.g. “I’m so glad you came into my life, I love you.” But on occasions where I try to be affectionate with him, he laughs it off.

The sex is amazing, but yet again seems to be on his terms only. Laughing it off when he doesn’t want it.

I have also noticed the last few times I’ve stayed at his, when we go to sleep he will turn to face the other way and sleep. Not much spooning or hugging.

He will call me everyday after work, but the texting has died down.

He is very independent and I am a massive over thinker and probably a bit fragile from my previous relationship. I like him a lot and he assures me he likes me a lot - but I feel scared and worried that I come across as being too clingy.

I have never been in an ‘adult’ relationship before, so I’m not sure how to gauge it.

We booked a mini get away in a couple of weeks with our two dogs. I really hope that goes well.

I really like him and am frightened of being hurt again. Part of me feels like because I am back at my parents, I am doing all of the running around in terms of driving and staying at his on his terms.

I plan to buy my own flat when the money from my house sale goes through, hopefully that will improve our relationship.

any advice or words of wisdom please?

thanks.

It took you just under 4 months to get over your 8 year relationship? And now you're already entangled in another? So you think you have genuinely processed what actually happened in your 8 year relationship?

@Musttryharder2021 I have processed this. The final year of this relationship I did nothing but process it. We went through some mentally challenging times and drifted apart, which caused his infidelity in the end.

I think we were together out of habit and also out of feeling forced to as we bought a property together.

Since the separation, I have felt no heartbreak. As I’ve said, I had a whole year previous where I would spend many nights in the house alone crying. I think this is when I processed it.

it’s hard to explain.

Seriously - get a hobby, get some friends and do ordinary stuff.
And chill

He sounds like he is giving you mixed messages. I wouldn’t put up with that 🤷‍♀️

I would say to just enjoy yourself and do not overthink this. It's early stages and you are already comparing without realising you are doing it.
Just chill

I think turning over and facing the other way to sleep is a personality thing. My partner does it because he gets too hot if we are touching! I found it a bit weird at first as my ex would sleep in the middle of the bed but it’s actually much better like this, we have a little cuddle before though.

The end of your relationship sounds a bit like mine. 8 years together but dead for the last year, and that is when I processed it was truly over.

I had lost myself in that relationship and spent a long time “finding myself” again.

Nurture your friendships. Do the things you want to do. Pursue your hobbies. Spend time alone. Be a bit selfish.
Don’t just insert yourself into someone else’s life.

I think you need to chill out on things. He’s given a lot of positive feedback and actions. My advice would be enjoy it, stop questioning things and be a bit more independent yourself. Spend time with your friends and make your own plans

I have never been in an ‘adult’ relationship before, so I’m not sure how to gauge it

Adults don't worry about how they 'come across'. They say what they feel and gauge their relationships on how people respond to their real personalities. Have you told him how you feel, or have you only told us? If you haven't talked to him first, you're not in the adult relationship you think you are.