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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

In a long term relationship but falling for someone else

4 replies

ladykatecatseyes · 01/08/2022 20:34

In a long term 5 year relationship but falling for someone else. For a bit of background, I met the guy in question through work. As we were both young an silly on nights out we would always end up being drunk and having a flirt and a kiss, which is completely fine. A year or so later, I started my relationship and the drunken kissing stopped immediately.
Fast forward 5 years and we are both in long term relationships and hadnt kissed in years, despite having many nights out together. We always had a flirty sort of relationship and I guess I always have a soft spot for him and would have these moments. However earlier on in the year when we were out (drunk) he pulled me aside and he kissed me and I never stopped it. I don't know if I just liked the attention or if I was excited by the fact that he might be interested. I was racked with guilt the next day but chose not to tell my boyfriend as convinced myself it was a silly drunken mistake and I am guessing he chose to not tell his girlfriend.
But now it seems to have opened up a gate of feelings and I know I definitely want it to happen again. I think I maybe always had these feelings but they have been hidden. I have a feeling that he feels the same way towards me but not 100%. I'm trying to fight it so hard as I do love my boyfriend but it's becoming more and more difficult and he is sure to start noticing soon! At the end of the day I don't see it ending in anything which makes it all the more confusing.

What would people do in this situation? How do I get over my feelings so I can continue happily with my boyfriend? I can't exactly cut him off as we work for the same company and share mutual friends through work. Please no nasty judgemental comments... its a difficult situation and only really understandable if you have been in it before.

OP posts:
girlfrien · 01/08/2022 20:39

Don't go out and get drunk and put yourself in these positions. Your in control of this.

Keep everything business like and don't flirt.
You wouldn't like it if your partner was doing it to you.

1Ta1T · 02/08/2022 17:54

Yes, it would be fantasy to tell yourself "it can't be stopped" because it can. If you want it to be stopped. And, if you don't, you need to be honest with your current partner before you start lying to him.

AgentJohnson · 03/08/2022 09:04

This happened because you chose a course where it was going to happen, now that it has you’re pretending it is a surprise. You didn’t tell your bf because you didn’t want to explain the choices you made to get to this point.

If you are serious about your bf then you need to stop contact with this bloke, it is that simple and if it isn’t, then you need to end your relationship with your bf.

It is never to late to start making better decisions, you should try it.

Watchkeys · 03/08/2022 09:16

its a difficult situation and only really understandable if you have been in it before

Most people have been attracted to someone else whilst in a relationship. There's nothing special about your situation, or difficult to understand. Stop being dramatic. Decide what you want, and act on that. Ignore temptation if you need to.

You're not an innocent victim of your feelings or his. You're an adult in a committed relationship. If you feel you can't stay committed, leave your partner because you're not who he thinks you are.

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