Was anyone so desperate for kids that they had them with the wrong man?

[salsgy]

I did at 34. I can remember now how vividly the desperation was. I had so so many dates - I was reasonably attractive and had my life together… but I couldn’t really date with eyes open if you see what I mean. I used to cry at night wishing I had kids. It was truly horrendous at times. Whilst I think the panic was linked to self esteem , ie ‘omg it might not happen,’ it was a general feeling I had 70% of my waking hours.

I went for it with a man I loved, but would never have thought I would be with for life. In fact I didn’t even consider that much at the time, I just thought I am happy with him for now.

Sometimes I tear myself up over it as DC doesn’t see their dad. Other times when I dip into online dating I remember how all consuming it was and how I felt so much was riding on each date. I would like more kids but that feeling has subsided.

Any relationship is like throwing the dice.
it can come out as great or not so much.
Plenty of people picked ‘the right ones’, and with time it all fell apart.
You really should stop dwelling on that and focus on the chi’s you have and the life you have with them. Be the best mom you can be and your kid will be ok.
If you want more kids - there are sperm banks. I’d do that rather than trying to date to meet baby daddy.