Relationship hacks or advice that you have learnt that you have adopted that has improved your relationship?

[piddocktrumperiness]

Hi everyone
Just that really- what things have worked for you, whether they were bits of advice that you have gathered over the years or learnt and lived experiences that you believe has helped you in your relationships and navigating your relationships? They could also be things you have recently stumbled on that you're trialling that you think is helping

For me, and this took a long while, when dating, I came from the point of view that I can't be too much for the right person; that if I'm good enough for friends and family, then I won't change myself for another person- and early on too, to not apologise for being myself.

Communicating there and then rather than waiting and seeing if they figure it out- and not be scared to do so. I say this because in my previous relationship I was walking on eggshells brushing things off and just wanted to keep the peace, but had I communicated earlier, I would have seen our communication incompatibility earlier and left earlier.

Say and do what you want. In the right relationship you will have a partner who will be completely behind you in this endeavour, and lots of the things you say and do will be because you love them, and want to support them in their endeavours.

If you have to 'try', then you're not naturally the right combination just as you are.

Accept the difference between incompatibility and fault. Just because you don't like the way they do it, doesn't mean they're wrong. Makes it much easier to walk away from unhealthy relationships.

Small acts of kindness can make a world of difference.

I'm sure you will get plenty of advice on the big things but it is the small stuff that often goes over time

Find the right time to talk about something that's bothering you. If he/she is in a bad mood after a crap day at work for example, you most likely won't get the desired outcome from a discussion.

Remember what you love about them.

Remember that you are a team.

Remind them that you love them.

Listen to them when they want to vent or talk about something they are interested in.

If they are driving you crazy, take a deep breath and count to 10!

I really believe in love language. Just because love to you is X doesn't mean your partner also considers X a display of love. It's loving people like they want to be loved rather than how you want to be loved as they may be quite different.

1. good communication
2. honesty
3. remember that you are on the same team. A few times now I've gone to have a moan and then remembered this and adjusted my approach. It's us versus life not us versus each other.

agree with a lot of the above.

a longish marriage with some real challenges has taught me that addressing issues/unhappiness quickly is key.

you may not be able to resolve things perfectly, but quickly clarifying things to the point where you can reach a compromise together will minimise frustrations and resentment.

burying negative feelings is never healthy - for you or your relationship.

and something i have been trying to teach DS16 recently - any relationship where one side always gives, and the other always takes, will ultimately not be a happy one (and to realise this is not always the fault of the taker, either).

Pick your battles. Do you really want to have a fight every time he leaves the milk out or is it easier just to put it away? Obviously if he leaves everything out all the time then you have a larger problem, but don’t just have a fight because of one little thing.

Thank them when they do something. Even if it's just "cheers for putting those pots away". If it saved you having to do it, acknowledge it.

For me, a sea change was that I learnt to appreciate DH for what he is and for what he does. I would get so frustrated about areas he wasn't great in, that I'd completely forget the good things.

For both of us, what's important is making a constant effort and not taking each other for granted. We see and appreciate the efforts the other one makes. A lot of people will say you shouldn't have to say thank you for doing the washing or vacuuming but actually, I've found acknowledging that is good. In the same way that I expect people to reflexively say, "thank you" if I hand them a cup of coffee. It's not a huge deal but an acknowledgement.

If you're having to 'minimise' your feelings or defend your opinions, then you're a profound mismatch, and this will end toxically.

If you feel frustrated and not heard, it's because you're not listened to or respected as an equal. Again, will end badly.

If your thoughts and opinions are ridiculed or ignored, it will end badly.

If you feel anxious/upset/unsure regularly, again, it will end badly.

Always be true to yourself, stand up for yourself, and never apologize for being you !

And always, always, trust your gut.

Support the other person to do what they need to do to keep their mental health positive. For us, its exercise. My DP will drive me to Parkrun with our DD at the weekend and entertain her on the park while I do my 5k. He will go out for his exercise the next day. We are both more rational, friendly, calm people once we've had our endorphin hit and we make sure to prioritise that during our weekends.

Also - get out of the house as much as possible together. If you're both feeling a bit frazzled and cross after a stressful day at work etc then instead of just turning the tv on in the evening, go out for a 30 min walk together after dinner and have a chat. It can transform a whole evening.

The best advice is to talk to your partner. Don't listen to some articles on the Internet or friends about how to do things. Sit down and talk to your partner about everything that concerns you

Just being kind to each other is the most important thing in my opinion. And choosing a kind person to be your partner.

Learn how to argue 'well'. Don't use personal insults. Don't bring up past arguments. Tackle the problem, not the person.

Don't sweat the small stuff.

Its nice to be 'nice'.

Don't expect your DP to fulfill every aspect your own life, we are responsible for our own happiness.

You can't change anyone ... you can only change your own reaction.

Acknowledgment and appreciation.
Saying sorry.

No drinking rum together-cutting that out stopped the silly half-cut bickers.

Always go to bed together naked, even if it’s just to fall asleep.

The first year after having a baby will be VERY testing on a relationship.

Remember that time will pass and you'll find your equalibrium again.

Another - totally disagree - separate bedrooms and pyjamas are the answer to our long marriage

What about those of us who don't like to sleep naked?

I’m sure you’ll survive! I just use it as a relationship hack as in my experience it means more sex overall. I always wear a T-shirt and pants when I’m sleeping alone.

I'd advise the other way, @Another2022 , but I'm sure you'll survive your way, too.

Everyone's different.