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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationship anxiety or overthinking

5 replies

Hottimesahead · 01/08/2022 12:06

Met an amazing guy OLD 4 months ago. We have chemistry and I enjoy spending time with him - feel like I have known him years. We had the exclusivity chat early on and been in a relationship for 2 months, see each other 3/4 times a week. Starting to meet family and friends.

At the start I had no concerns of his interest. He always texted good morning and night texts and was in contact via text - not loads but a good healthy amount. He is always affectionate when we meet up and we plan activities and dates. We do live a distance away but make it work. He did say he loved me a month ago, I wasn’t ready and he understood this. No normal dating anxiety of does her like me until now.

however here is my anxiety. His texts are less frequent. good morning and night texts are less frequent, but he does touch base during the day and is equal in planning to see each other - no chasing from both ends. He is quieter when we meet up, but still affectionate and complimentary.

I asked him this weekend if he was ok and if we were ok - not in a needy way. He just responded yes, not enjoying his job and feeling a bit down and not sleeping well but all is fine with us and he loves me and looks forward to seeing me to make his day better.

I feel he has pulled away when I said I am starting to fall in love with you, but not there yet. Give me time and it will come. I had concerns that he said it too quickly and was after lust more than relationship- but that’s my jaded view on guys. I am holding back a bit for self protection.

I am not too sure if I am overthinking things and a reduction in communication is normal now we are established or if he is losing interest as I haven’t reciprocated his feelings.

help me not overthink

OP posts:
ManAboutTown · 01/08/2022 12:31

i have never really had to conduct a new relationship via text so not entirely sure what the protocols are but certainly wouldn't expect a daily good morning and good night message particularly if there has been other contact during the day.

I don't think you really have too much to worry about here - people do go up and down a bit particularly if they are unhappy at work and it sounds like he is still doing the right things just a bit quieter.

I think this is worth sticking with certainly for now

Blushingm · 01/08/2022 12:40

Apart from the 'I love you' bit I'm in pretty much the same position (we see eachother a little less as he has 2 boys he has 50% of the time)

I don't know why I feel like this - but wanted to tell you it's not just you! (Makes me feel better it's not just me either)

Watchkeys · 01/08/2022 12:43

If he loves you, why can't you talk to him about this rather than approaching a forum? What would happen if you told him what you've told us, and said you'd like some reassurance?

Hottimesahead · 01/08/2022 14:49

@Watchkeys I did ask this weekend and that’s where he’d said he was unhappy at work came out. He said everything was ok

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 01/08/2022 14:57

Yes, but it wasn't enough for you. Why can't you ask him for enough reassurance? Somebody saying 'Everything is fine.' isn't always enough. Have you expressed to him that it wasn't enough and that you still feel worried?

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