Ended my 10 year relationship last night..

[AlwaysFuckingTired94]

..and I don't really know where to go from here. Even though it was my decision it's still tough. I'd been with him since I was 18 and he's all I know. He was 31 when we got together and his age is part of the reason for the break up. We were just more like friends, no sex anymore. We have two little DC together and I have no idea how to go about telling them, or how much they'll understand. I don't want him anymore, but I don't feel ready for the big wide world all on my own. I have a disability which limits how much I can get about and I don't have any close friends anymore (not close to family either) so my world feels so small. I also have depression, BPD and anxiety. My life feels a mess. I feel about 60, but also about 12 at the same time.

Any words of wisdom? How do I break it to my kids?

aww, just be gentle on yourself. Breaking up is hard, and ive felt just as gutted when ive ended a relationship as when ive been dumped, as you also have the guilt and the second guessing yourself.

The guilty and second guessing is a killer

Guilt*

Anyone?

Its going to take time. Youve been together a long time and its going to be hard but not impossible to separate your lifes. Maybe try to crack on with some of the practical bits? See a solicitor, do you have a house to sell? Think about money and budgets, benefits you might be entitled to. A plan for the children to see their father. Where are you going to live etc. im just about to go through this myself after a 20 year relationship so i do feel for you

I told my children, 7 and 5 at the time, that mum and dad didn’t love each other enough to live together any more but we both still loved them very much. We’d already agreed I’d stay in the house and he’d moved out the day before so I told them they’d stay in the same house and still see daddy at weekends and in the week ( we’d agreed that too) There were a few tears and then the older one asked if they could go to the shop to spend their pocket money ( lucky it was Friday, I suppose) There were a few hiccups but I found being calm and explaining things helped. I also pointed out that x and y, two children they’d recently met lived with just their mum.

This is very sensible advice. Kids are quite resilient and if Mum and Dad aren't throwing crockery at each other then it might take a period of time but they will adapt.

Dad needs to stay involved though and Mum not to use access to the kids as a weapon. A surprising number of people manage to do this although there are obviously situations where Dad doesn't pay his way or is violent. That's when it gets hard on the kids. No one wants to live in a war zone

You haven't had to be an adult on your own before, and yes, it's scary sometimes, but you're clearly an intelligent woman who can figure it out as you go.

Be kind to yourself, and give your DC an age appropriate 'explanation' about why you've split up. You'll cope with their questions as they come, just keep it simple and reassure them that both their parents still love them.

As time passes, and you feel stronger and less 'unsure' about how to 'do life' as a single parent, take time to find out who you are as an adult, what your dreams/ambitions/hopes are, and how to achieve them.

Thank you for the replies, there's some really kind words in there. I rent, he has a place to go, so there's no wondering what to do practically in terms of living arrangements. We've agreed a schedule for the children already. I just hope this wasn't all a big mistake. We moved in together after 4 months, before that I lived with my parents. I just don't have faith that I can do it all on my own, I'm just not a strong enough woman.

Youre stronger than you know. Stick to your guns xxx