What does he want?!

[Anonymous66]

A guy I started dating realised he needed some space as he wasn’t over his ex. I expressed my feelings about how I felt used and told him that I was glad as I could then focus on another guy who was interested in me; it’s been a week and now he’s messaged me asking if we can have a chat? I’m unsure why when he needed the space even though he told me he loved me? I’ve responded with that I have nothing to say but just wondered what people think his intentions are

It doesn't matter what hos intentions are. He's not for you. He might be a pig playing you. He might be a misguided nice guy. He's told you he doesn't want you. What do you intend to do with that information?

I realise that was harsh but I gave my x far too many years.

With a compatible partner, you wouldn't need to post on a forum to understand them.

It doesn't matter why he does what he does. He doesn't make sense to you, and you feel confused by him. Unless that's what you want from a relationship, move on, because that's what he's offering you.

Just tell him that you wish him well but you’d rather not chat as after the break up you’ve decided to move forward with the other man you were interested in. You don’t need to know what his intentions are.

I can’t see what he’s done to make you feel “used”, though, if he isn’t sure he’s in the right place for a relationship then surely it’s better for both of you if he says so and ends things.

Thank you everyone, he’s seen my message saying I have nothing to say and hasn’t responded

Maybe something's happened with the ex? Maybe he wants to give you the heads-up in case ex calls you? That sort of situation?

It’s such a confusing thing, him and the last girl didn’t work out as she lied about being pregnant etc so he blocked her off everything. While we were dating I noticed he apologised a lot so I knew he wasn’t fully over the ex, he then said he loved me and asked me out but I knew it wasn’t time so said not yet, that’s when a day after he said he wasn’t over her yet and needed space and time to work on himself; now a week later he’s messaging asking if we can chat, he’d drive 2 hours down to see me in the middle of the night etc so I’m sat here thinking did he even like me or does he still like me? But when I said I have nothing to say and he’s seen it and not replied I think; is this all a mind game for him and he’s just playing me or is he thinking I’ve fully moved on myself

If you want a healthy relationship, keep the pathway clear for someone who says what they mean and means what they say.

Don't buy into all this 'wondering what he might mean' business. He's already a lot of work for you, and you're not even together.

Keep your boundaries firm which is sounds like you are. He wanted space he's got it and realised his back up option wasn't better than you. Ignore his messages he'll skulk off and get the hint soon enough.

Oh for pity's sake, the red flags for this guy are all over the place - the crazy ex, the love bombing...

You've' dodged a bullet. Just ignore him.

Thank you everyone, he’s now messaged again about going past one of the shops I liked, just keeping it blunt

I imagine what he wants is to reel you back in because he enjoys your attention and interest, and your mention of the other guy has made him realise he's likely to lose them.

But who cares what HE wants? What do YOU want (presumably, a functional relationship with a decent person) and how likely are you to get it from him (guessing not very)?

He's trying to keep you on the hook. Just ignore. Or even better, block.

It doesn't matter what he says. It doesn't matter if he says he's on fire.

He doesn't make you feel good, so walk away.

If you’re that curious about what he wanted, agree to meet him for that chat. Then you’ll know. Job done. You'll both have closure from this.

Whatever the outcome, you’ve realised he’s not the guy for you.

I agree with what @ComtesseDeSpair said.

My ex did exactly the same. Love bombed me..made out I wasn’t giving enough back (weeks in) and then asked for space when I asked him what it was he was expecting.
so I did exactly that. Queue a few days later of me leaving him be he’s back chasing and asking if ‘I’ve thought about my ways’?!
i also got the ‘I’m just going to xx’ a place we’d been. Later down the line I was told he’d been posting on dating sites while at said place..absolute joker.
id move on..it shouldn’t be this hard so early on.