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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How best to approach this with ex?

2 replies

Perti · 31/07/2022 16:14

Ex refuses to communicate about the baby in any way - due in 6 weeks. I’ve been amicable and updated him on scans, said he can be at the birth (outside) on the day if he wishes etc. I’ve suggested we talk even if it’s about finances so we can get things organised without going through CM. He’s not acknowledged anything. No idea why.

I know I will just need to apply if he can’t communicate with me about it but having looked into it it can take weeks and weeks mainly because you have to register birth and also be in receipt of child benefit before the process can start. This means I could easily miss 3 months of payment even if I make the application as soon as these things are sorted and then obviously the payments will be backdated from there.

I really need the money as he’s not contributed to any of the cost of baby stuff, so I’m on a credit card as it is.

I called CM and they said they most people don’t like the idea their employer could be contacted so they usually comply with an agreement between the parents without going down CM route. I’ve no idea if he’s aware of this but is there any way I can express this without looking like I’m just after money? I really don’t want any more animosity and don’t want to rock the boat for DC’s sake and put him off being involved even more. I just don’t know want to do. I’m so stressed an anxious, I can’t understand why he wouldn’t want to just put something in an email about an arrangement and that’s that.

OP posts:
bbqhulahoop · 31/07/2022 16:17

It sounds like he's not going to be around for his child physically or emotionally. I'd put yourself first for the last few weeks of your pregnancy. Don't put him on the birth certificate and put in a financial claim at the earliest opportunity. Sadly men can walk away from the responsibility but he owes your child financially. Avoid the stress for now though- you don't need it!

Perti · 31/07/2022 16:19

@bbqhulahoop its just going to be so hard without the maintenance when it is delayed. Also can’t stand the idea of having to go through that service when we are both adults and should be able to organise it ourselves. Finding it overwhelming!

OP posts:
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