I've been played :(

[lovesicksucker]

Met a guy through work, got to know him at weekly visits we both attended. He asked me out - went on 3 dates, it was so intense, lots of texting and saying he couldn't stop thinking about me, both saying we felt like teenagers. Decided to sleep with him, was a great night, but he's now cooled off. He still texts and initiates conversations but doesn't reply for up to 24 hours.

I'm an idiot obviously, but how do I put this behind me and stop thinking about him every 30 seconds? It's driving me crazy.

Sounds like he love bombed you. It's a hard lesson to learn but people who do this are not genuine. Yes, some people just get caught up in the heat of lust but even so, most people still wouldn't actually be texting you shit like 'I can't stop thinking about you' after 3 dates. Because even if you feel that way, its too full on and too much to put upon that other person.

There were some red flags here. But oh well, live and learn.

Block him and go cold turkey. It'll probably take a few weeks but you'll you'll past it quicker than you expected. Provided you drop all contact (can you avoid him at work?). Throw yourself into something you enjoy and keep busy.

A trick that works for me is to go 'hey so, I know I like this person but I have other things things do right now so I'm going to put those feelings aside in a box for now and I'll think of him again in 14 days time' (pick a specific date)
.Then I get busy doing something else and every time I catch myself starting to think of him I look at a calender and go 'nope, not time yet. STOP'. And divert my attention to something else. Then when you actually get to that date - you've not been thinking about them for so long that you actually realise, you've created a distance in feelings there.

(Coincidently it's a technique I used for getting over ocd in my teenage years too xD).

By giving yourself permission to keep thinking of him 'later' you aren't saying 'I'm not allowed to...' you're just saying 'not quite this moment' and so it doesn't feel like cold turkey.

I'm an idiot obviously, but how do I put this behind me and stop thinking about him every 30 seconds? It's driving me crazy

For a start, you stop calling yourself an idiot, because something will piss you off 100 times more if you think you've done it to yourself by being stupid.

You're not an idiot any more than any child in school who doesn't know how to do sums. Then they go to school one day and they get taught how to do it. They don't look back at the earlier part of the day and think about what prats they were not to know how to do sums. They just learn the lesson and are happy to put it to use in their future lives, all their lives.

You've had a lesson, and you've learned. That's what the smart kids do, and they don't beat themselves up for not knowing before.

Thank the guy (not to his face) He's just taught you a lesson you can apply in future life that will save you from all kinds of crap from guys you date in the future: Don't invest in intense people you've only known for 5 minutes.

It’s a hard lesson to learn OP but once you’ve been caught out by a love bomber you pick up on the signals very quickly in the future.

Unfortunately there seem to be a lot of love bombing men out there but their technique is exactly the same.

It's only 24 hours?

But a drastic change to his normal communication pattern!

Is he showing interest in seeing you again?

@lovesicksucker my ex was exactly like this..and it just slowly got worse and worse..beware that he may up his game if he feels you slipping..but it may revert back to this..very sad and wastes a lot of time.
wish I’d walked away sooner but you learn

He got what he wanted. Think about how you will proceed in the future.

Mute notifications from him and archive the chat. Make a list of all the things you want to get done - boring and fun - and focus on cracking through them. Book a fun trip, get that door handle fixed, make plans to see friends. Journal if you want to get your feelings out. Exercise and take care of yourself. He'll soon become much less important to you.

Block him and suddenly get very very busy.

You're not an idiot. You're not responsible for his behaviour. It just seemed like one thing, now it's another. Flags aren't always flying full mast.

Thanks everyone. A tough lesson. Was supposed to see him Friday; he cancelled, but continues to 'Good morning' text me (and then doesn't respond to my reply) Obviously 'keeping me warm'.

I know the signs but still fell for it. Stay vigilant people.

@Pinkbonbon thank you for the tips - this is the bit I'm struggling with - thinking about him constantly and checking my phone. I'll use your techniques.

Get busy, be more unavailable and match his level of effort.
It’s not attractive to look desperate or needy. I played it very cool with my now DH, he’s a real catch (well I think so!) and I think the way I handled things early on was crucial.

Oh no I'm not showing him how crazy he's driving me. There's no outward neediness - this feeling is just between me and you (all).