Apologies if this isn’t the right section to post in but I wasn’t sure where to put this.
Basically, I’m concerned about my young son. He’’s 11, an only child and his father and I are divorced. He sees his father EOW and generally adores him, even though his father is unreliable and has let my son down on various occasions and in various ways eg cancelling weekend visits at the last minute, over promising much anticipated treats that then don’t happen, etc. His father and I do communicate but we are not on particularly good terms and my son is aware of this.
The issue, however, seems to be me. In the past six months or so, my son has started to become verbally aggressive with me, swearing at me etc, and he has started to push against me physically. I’m not tall, and he’s pretty much my height already. The smallest thing i.e. not being able to find his charger can set off his temper. He shouts, and almost seems to revel in his ‘voice’. He is pretty unpleasant and personal I do my best to keep calm and have got much better at this as raising my voice just escalates things but in the past I have really struggled to contain my temper and we have almost ended up wrestling. I know how awful this is. The next day he says sorry but I feel this has just become a pattern and nothing is different the next time.
I’m really so anxious about it as he seems to really have a problem with me and I wonder if he’s really taking out his frustrations about dad on me. I’m treading on eggshells at home at times to prevent an outburst, and at times it feels worse than the marriage I left. It’s isolating, I feel like I can’t invite people round in case he makes a scene (he’s almost quite possessive of me, asks me if I have a boyfriend, what I’ve done when he’s away with dad). I feel ashamed he’s like this, as I imagine it must somehow be my fault. At times I feel real dislike for him which obviously makes me feel even worse. Of course I love him very much, we have always been a team as I left when he was just 4, but this is all making me feel sad and worried for him. He starts secondary in September so it’s a changeable time but this all feels more than that.
Anyone been in a similar situation and can offer advice?
I am happy to try and see a counsellor and would fund that myself as it’s unlikely I’d get any help I expect, but I’m not sure who to approach or who could help. A counsellor who works with children? Somebody who could help him manage his anger or iron out what may be some fundamentally difficult issues?