Hi. I have posted a bit on here throughout the winter about ex-dp's and my separation. He had an erratic year or so prior to us parting in November, which culminated in a succession of infidelities before we split. It's been a bloody painful few months.
However, we've been doing a lot of talking of late, trying to understand the other, etc, and agree that the ideal is that we find what we're ultimately looking for - relationship-wise - in each other. We have a ds (3) whom we both adore, and who is a very good reason to try to make a go of things, and when things have worked between us, as they did for many years, they've been really good.
We have said we'll give it six months or so of time apart (ex-dp is renting a flat at the moment), doing our own thing as far as possible and allowing wounds to start healing (and I want to see what ex-dp's moods do over the coming months ...), and check in around, say, August and see how we feel about each other then.
I'm kind of OK with this - don't like the uncertainty though - but what I can't decide is this: Because our relationship isn't a total write-off, do we keep life as familiar as possible for ds, with ex-dp coming to visit at the house, putting him to bed, etc, with the idea that, if we reconcile, very little will have changed for ds? Or, because my feelings are hurting a lot at the moment and seeing ex-dp is painful for me - especially in the family home, and because it wouldn't really feel like a clean break otherwise, do we try to see as little of each other as possible during the separation? Drop-offs through grandparents, etc. Even though this would mean ds separating from Mummy way more than he's used to , and staying in Dad's unfamiliar flat in an unfamiliar town ...
Argh, I dunno. I keep changing my mind - wanting to see ex-dp and keep the communication going and keep life familiar for ds, and then wanting to spare my own feelings and see very little of him - have a breather. I also reasoned that you can't truly know if you miss/want something unless you really don't have it - i.e. neither of us sees much of the other for a while. But U don't want to unnecessarily unsettle ds. Hmm. Any thoughts?
Thanks.