"Helpful" Aunt manipulating Grandmother into giving money

[Itsagoal]

My Aunt is generally helpful with my grandmother- does her food shopping once a fortnight and sorts out any maintenance work on her house. She could do more but she probably does more than the others.
My mum stays with my grandmother once a month for 3-4 days, as she lives on the other side of the country. She shops and cooks and cleans for her. My other aunt does the odd food shop for her and visits every week.
She has the onset of dementia and can be quite forgetful, however, she recently told me that she had given my aunt's son £5000 over the course of 2 years as my Aunt keeps telling her that he can't afford x, y and z. My Aunt then takes the money and gives it to him. I wasn't sure if this was true so told my mum who asked my Aunt who admitted that it was true but made out that my grandmother wouldn't take no for an answer. This is not true.

We have also discovered that my Aunt has asked her for lump sums for her other child (500 and 1000) which she has also given. She has also given my Aunt a few thousand it has come out.

We believe that my Grandmother isn't really of sound mind to be parting with these large sums of cash and that she's being manipulated by my Aunt who is probably the most helpful of the 3 children in all fairness. But the sums of cash are becoming greater and more frequent. My mother hasn't asked for any money and my grandmother hasn't offered so it seems viable that my Aunt is manipulating her into parting with large sums of cash.

Nobody has power of attorney, however if they were to have it would likely be my Aunt as she is with my grandmother more than the others.

My mum is at a loss as she has always been very close to my Aunt and doesn't want to hurt their relationship, however, she can see that my grandmother is being used as a bank and she isn't happy at all. Particularly as my Aunt's children rarely even visit her.

What can she realistically do in this situation as my grandmother's health declines and my Aunt continues to take advantage of it?

I just lost a long reply, I don't have much time so thoughts in short - Does your grandmother have a diagnosis of dementia?, if she is at the point where she is considered onset of dementia then she should be receiving more regular care and support than it sounds like she is getting. Contact Social Work to set up a care needs assessment (Or whatever it is called in your area).

Look into deprivation of assets - This may apply, if your grandmother needs to access full time care she could be seen to be giving away her assets to avoid paying for care.

I've had dementia training and although only learned in theory (not worked with dementia patients), it was drummed into us that all clients make decisions for themselves as long as possible. If your grandmother tells you she feels manipulated then that is a different story but she could be seen as being allowed to make her own decisions with regards to financial gifts (As we all should be for as long as possible). She may be being financially abused, but she may not be, and families can be complex.

Power of attorney should be considered sooner rather than later (although it may already be too late of she has a dementia diagnosis), Once that is in place the person with financial power of attorney has to make clear and justifiable decisions about the persons finances (I have held power of attorney for a relative in the past and this is how I understand it)

Hopefully someone better informed can help, although there is a elderly parents board that might be better for this problem.

If your nan has capacity to set up power of attorney, then whoever acts as her attorney can only make decisions in her best interest.

At the moment, the decisions are not in her best interest because as a previous poster said, it would be viewed as a deprivation of assets.

If your nan is developing dementia, then she is likely to eventually require full time care. Any assets she has (over £23K) will be expected to fund her care. If she's giving it away, the local authorities will take that into account when she has her financial assessment, and may pursue those costs.

It's definitely worth letting your aunt know that if she takes money from your nan, they may come looking for it. If there's any suspicion that financial abuse is taking place, then it can be referred to the office of the public guardian, who then appoints someone to handle finances. It's expensive and a pain in the backside

If she has capacity to make decisions about money, then she's entitled to make decisions you don't like or agree with. If one of her children is closer to her than the others, or offers more practical help, then it seems reasonable that she would be generous to them.

If she still has capacity she can appoint a lasting power of attorney if she wishes.

If she doesn't have capacity to make decisions about finances then she may need safeguards putting in place to guard against exploitation.

Have you spoken to anybody else who knows your grandmother? Does anyone else share your concerns?

you can contact the council social services and raise a safeguarding concern re financial abuse. Hourglass has a helpline. It will affect sibling relationships if there is a safeguarding investigation but the aunt has brought that on themselves. Usually money is given equally in families so it’s odd all three of them have had a sudden need for emergency help from the same source

She's very vulnerable. We had to call the police last year after one of her carers took £1000 of her money. The carer lost her job but never paid any of the money back. My grandmother is a sucker for a sob story which is what the carer told her and my Aunt continues to do the same.

My Aunt is also withdrawing cash regularly from her account and keeping it in her house to hide from the authorities we have discovered so that my grandmother doesn't have to pay too much for her care (this is on top of the gifted lump sums). These amounts have not been written down or shared with other family members either but remain in my Aunt's property. It is believed that there is over 8,000 in her house.

My other Aunt has no idea what has been going on and my mum is reluctant to involve her but I am trying to convince her to tell her what's been going on. There is also an estranged son/brother who would have no idea.

My grandmother doesn't feel manipulated but seems confused. My mum spoke to her about it and she got upset saying she thought she was helping people who needed it. Mum tried explaining that everyone is struggling financially at present but that she can't go giving money away to anyone who says they need it repeatedly.

There are 4 children and 7 grandchildren all together but all of the requests for money have come from the same child and her 2 children. In total they've had thousands. I know 2 of my other cousins who are in much worse positions financially and haven't asked for a penny. It's the same members who keep asking for financial gifts from her.