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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Starting again in 40s…

12 replies

40anxious · 30/07/2022 12:51

Just on the verge of throwing in the towel with DH. After a long relationship 20+ years two Kids. Give me some stories of how its gone for you. Im really anxious

OP posts:
Diay · 30/07/2022 17:20

For me it’s gone well purely from a peace of mind point of view. My life now is quiet and has none of the drama that it had before. I love having my own place, doing what I want, when I want and not having to always put everyone else first. The time I get to myself when the kids are at their dads is nice too.

Dating wise I haven’t bothered as I don’t want another man in my life currently so don’t see the point.

Prisonbreak · 30/07/2022 17:25

Don’t focus on the 20+ years that have passed. Think about the 50+ years ahead and what would make those years the best!

Original poster
40anxious · 31/07/2022 10:16

Thanks for replying. I think for me its just the unknown. Ive never lived alone before, although the kids will be with me. Im worried ill be lonely. Also cost of living etc worries me too. I do everything for the children now so in a way, not much will change but i guess it will be hard to adjust without having someone to lean on

OP posts:
Hotenoughtoburnasausage · 31/07/2022 10:21

I met dh at 41. He was 31!! Been together 10 years and married 7 with a dc!!
My advice try and enjoy the peace a while and recover from your divorce. Being in a relationship is great but so is some you time too!

ladygindiva · 31/07/2022 10:24

I met dp at age 40, 7 years ago, still good, 2 kids in. My best friend has just found a big love at the age of 48 and is very loved up and happy.

CamsPaisleyCuffs · 31/07/2022 10:31

But the flip side of the coin of not having someone to lean on is no one is making your life a misery.

My ExH and I split after 17 years together due to his infidelity. I was 41 with a 6yo child. My life has been so much more peaceful without the constant worry and anxiety he brought. We'll never be best of friends but we both do what we need to for our DD's sake and that does get easier as she gets older - now at senior school so I really don't have that much to do with him, but they have a wonderful relationship.

I found love again after kissing a fair few frogs, but had a lot of fun online dating and have been with the most amazing loyal, honest, trustworthy and all round bloody amazing man for the last 2 years.

Life is too short to wake up with a heavy heart each morning and going to bed each night wondering what new shit show tomorrow will bring.

Original poster
40anxious · 31/07/2022 10:33

Ill be honest, im not even bothered about finding someone else. I just need my drunkard husband out of my daily life. I know ill still have dealings with him because of the kids but i just want peace at home and no ongoing simmering resentment over lack of help or him spending money we dont have on drinks

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bowlingalleyblues · 31/07/2022 10:56

I’m not sure, i’m asking myself the same. Just a suggestion: try thinking about what your future could look like if you were single and older and it all worked out wonderfully. It’s helping me to think of the future through rose tinted glasses, the way I did when I got into my relationship.

lOPAS · 31/07/2022 12:14

It's amazing not having to put up with other adults crap. I still live alone but have a DP of 4 years (met when I was 45). I'll never live with or be married to him. It's great.

Original poster
40anxious · 31/07/2022 12:31

Sounds ideal @lOPAS thats what id like ideally. If i ever did get with anyone else, i think separate houses would work!!!

@bowlingalleyblues yes ive got a lovely vision of what life WILL be like, lovely and peaceful, calm, clean and organised ♥️

OP posts:
Nahnahnah · 03/08/2022 13:10

I could have written this. I am 42 and I was with my ex for 20+ years, 2 children, spilt 4 years ago. We were childhood sweethearts and grew up together. It was an awful and very difficult time, just adjusting to sleeping alone was hard but I embraced it. The relationship was strained for the last 3-4 years and I tried for the sake of the children. I wish i had called it a day earlier as when we did spilt everyone said they could tell I wasn't happy and fully supported my decision.

Stayed single until last Oct when I tried OLD and I met the love of my life before Christmas and now deliriously happy. He's the opposite of my ex and the most amazing man I've ever met. He communicates well, thoughtful and affectionate. We've just been on a family holiday together and had the best time. I am a testament that you can start again after 40! My advice when it gets tough is keep going and don't be too proud to accept help. Also do what is right for you and your set of circumstances, according to MN I'm a loose woman for letting my children meet a new partner of less than 10 years 😂

Original poster
40anxious · 04/08/2022 09:27

@Nahnahnah Thats so good to hear!

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