I think my son is suffering with lonliness

[Julie69392]

So my son (Who is now 35) has always been a quiet lad and is also on autistic spectrum, growing up he just never really had much friends and then when he hit his 20s He focused alot on his career. Career and money wise he has done excellent, has a very good paying job and even brought his own house last year.

He has alot of traits which women go for (i.e handsome, tall, has a good paying job and doesnt have any addictions etc) but I can understand why he has never been in a relationship because he has always had a bit of trouble when it comes to social skills and socializing.

Even when it came to explaining things he would have trouble and usually he would have to physically show you or even draw out what he is trying to explain.

But about a week ago we were at his cousins wedding which we all had a great time, My son actually got drunk for once (lol) but after the wedding he came back to our house instead of his but he started opening up to me about how lonely his life is.

Now my son never use to complain or even talk about his feelings growing up although maybe he might of hid them from me because thats a thing which many men seem to do.

he started talking about how he would love to get married and start his own family someday but feel like its too late. All his friends/cousins are pretty much married or in relationships with kids involved. He then started saying that what was the point in working hard for money and buying a house because I have no family of my own to look after.

I felt sorry for him because it must feel bad seeing everyone else around you getting married, getting into relationships, having kids etc while you feel like you are being left on the shelf but I reassured him that he will find the right woman someday

You can get married at any age - I'm just back from honeymoon and I'm 47.
And as a man, he can start a family without the pressure of a ticking clock.

Very few people I've met who are happily settled met though online dating - some did but they had to wade through a LOT of assholes to find someone. My colleague met her husband through joining a running group, I met mine years ago through work, and I know more and more who met through friends of friends, flatmates of colleagues, flatmates of friends, BIL recently snogged my cousin at our wedding, my sister met her fella when they were on nights out respectively. It's all so random.

So I think the key is to widen the circle to meet lots of people and make friends. Take up a group hobby/exercise/activity, or volunteering. Say yes to all and any offers of drinks after work or after a hobby. Or BE the one to suggest everyone go for a drink afterwards, or organise bowling or a spin off night out from the original activity. He might not meet someone to date within the immediate friends, but they might introduce him to someone they know who's also looking for a nice bloke.

@Julie69392 your poor son! he sounds truly lovely and a proper catch. I know someone in my friend group like this and it’s so tough to watch- not because I think he’s hopeless at all, but because I know he would be an ideal, dream partner for so many women, it’s just the initial connection that’s hard for him. Give me a man like your son any day over a guy who is very charming, gregarious and eager to please- who always seems to have an eye out for a better option.
All I can say is, men like this don’t need to find lots of women, he will find a woman who will be a good fit for him and there’s every chance that even though he’ll be starting a little later than others he will be able to form a deeper connection with someone, which will stand the test of time. It’s usually the way with men like this in my experience.
In practical terms I agree with PP that practical help with online dating platforms is a good way to support. Old fashioned paid-for dating agencies can work well too, because people paying a fee tend to be serious about finding a good match.