Would this be the end?

[Moggyd]

I think my dp is smoking weed. I am vehemently against this and he knows it. I caught him once before and he swore he would never do it again. I have thought I'd smelt it several times around the house but there are a couple of people who smoke it in nearby houses so not sure if it was that. Yesterday he went out for an hour and he came back in and I saw him put something in his jacket in the porch and he sniffed his jacket. He has just given up smoking so told me he hid it in his pocket because he didn't want me to know he had a cigarette. It wouldn't be a problem to him if he relapsed anyway and he knows this. He is now angry with me for suggesting it and hasn't spoken to me yet this morning. I don't know what to do. I have made it clear that if he were to smoke weed again then we are over. Any thoughts?

If he’s just given up smoking then it seems more likely in the absence of any evidence to the contrary that he did just have a sneaky cigarette that he didn’t want you to know about. I can understand why he’d be angry with you if so, how can he prove that he didn’t do what you’re accusing him of and saying is a relationship ender?

Only you know whether it would really be the end if he smoked weed. It seems like a strange hill to die on to me personally, but your dealbreakers are your own.

It would be a dealbreaker for me so I agree. I wouldn’t and couldn’t accept this

Does your word mean anything or not? If it does, why are you still there? You know he smokes weed so all of these empty ultimatums are just wasting his time and yours.

Have you checked what he put in his jacket ?

Why did he sniff his own jacket? Surely if he’d been smoking - weed or otherwise - he wouldn’t be able to smell it himself anyway as it would be in his nostrils and lungs.

TBH I wouldn’t want to be with a smoker or a liar, so I’d struggle with this, but if you knew he was a smoker already and you only know about the weed once in the past I’d want to know more info before I made any life changing decisions.

Maybe he was having a sneaky cigarette. Maybe it wasn't. But the trust isn't there, and if there's any doubt, are you ever going to trust him?

I wouldn't date someone who did drugs. That's make or break for me.

Like a PP said, your boundaries are your boundaries. I hate the smell of weed myself and it seems to be everywhere! I was in the chemist yesterday and another customer was clearly a weed user, passed people smoking it in the street and when I have my windows open very occasionally i smell it from a passer by. Thankfully none of my neighbours seem to use weed. I just don't get why you are looking for it so much. It seems intense and controlling, and to be honest he cannot hide the smell for long. If he becomes a frequent user then it will become apparent surely? I actually wouldn't mind if my partner chose to be a very (very) occasional user, as long as I didn't have to smell it! But that's my line, I just think you've make your stance clear, either and you should either end the relationship now due to lack of trust or respect or calm down and stop wondering about every single thing he does. It sounds exhausting tbh.

Why are you vehemently against weed and okay with smoking though? That puzzles me a bit tbh. I could not live with a smoker. I was brought up in a house of smokers and it was horrible.