So tired of being a single parent

[Angustiada]

Morning! I'm after a bit of emotional support i think. Currently away on holiday with my 2 kids (7 and 11) staying at family's house abroad. Lots of family here (10 in total including their 2 cousins). Originally I couldn't come as it was too expensive and also I have very limited annual leave from work (dad sees the kids EOW and is meant to cover half the holidays but he never does so all my leave gets used up quickly). So I spoke to work and they agreed for me to work 50% when away for 2 weeks and my family said they would help with the kids. Been here one week and honestly noone has done anything to help. My kids sit on their tablets for 4 hours every morning whilst I work and I feel so guilty. My eldest told me yesterday he is homesick, not having fun and wants to go home 💔. Not going to lie, I got pretty upset (he didn't see). I'm trying so so hard for them juggling everything, made huge cut backs for 2 months just to even afford the flights and they want to go back.
Doesn't help for me to see everyone coupled up/happy families as it just highlights to me how everything is all on me. I don't get a break, at all, ever. I'm so tired and fed up of being a single parent. I never chose this life and yet I have to deal with it all whilst their dad has everything he ever wanted. It's so unfair.

Have you asked the family to help with the kids like they promised ? Ask if they will take them out somewhere.

I think this working whilst supposed to be on holiday is not really doable. Have seen my husband and son trying to do this and it's just so out of routine etc that they find it really difficult.
They do not even have children to think of so much xxx times more difficult for you.
At work I always find it more effective to actually give a duty to people, could this work for you?
So "cousin Charlie I'm working today could you please take the kids swimming or for a walk or for lunch" etc so that someone is made responsible?
Also I think sometimes kids do sense when you are stressed and pick up on it.
Hopefully you are somewhere nice and will get some time to yourself( engineer it so that you do.

I've mentioned it yeah and they said they seem happy enough on their tablets and they are not disturbing me...

@imagakster I think you may be right. I might speak to work and get next week off. Does mean I'll have no leave left for October half term. Would help with my tiredness at least if I'm not working Too. I wish I could have some time for me but there is a bit of a theme in my family... My kids, my choice, therefore my responsibility.

Have you told your family that they are not happy doing this?

@clpsmum I have but I feel like I can't really ask them to do specific things with them. As far as they're concerned, the kids are fine and I can work relatively undisrupted. I guess I've learnt from this that work and holidays cannot be combined. Also that going on holiday as a single parent is far from relaxing 😂.

Would your employer/type of work be flexible enough to let you work at night when kids are in bed. The type of work I do allows me to do this. I'm in the same boat. I've reduced my hours. Less money but definitely happier for it. I understand its not easy with cost of living as well. Would asking the dad for more CM to allow you more time with kids be a possibility? I hope you are getting some sort of social life too. You should have everything you want too!

OP I relate very strongly to every word you said about being a single parent. Please know that you're not alone. I don't have anything encouraging to say just that I feel what you're feeling

You need to be more assertive with your family. You said you’d help. The kids are bored on their tablets and upset. It puts pressure on me.

I find life in general as a single parent far from relaxing. Just bite the bullet though and ask. Dc are really bored in the mornings while I'm working would you mind taking them a walk/swim/play etc. they can only say no and it does t sound like they are going to volunteer. People who are not single parents walk around with blinkers on not realising that some of us literally have nobody. You need to just ask them. Good luck xx

Also. If you're looking at everyone coupled up and "happy" remember the reality. People don't air their dirty laundry in public but have a look at this board for what goes on behind closed doors and "happy" selfies.

Just masses and masses of sympathy. I am a single parent and I’m nodding along with all you say. If it’s any consolation (and it’s what I’m clinging to!) my sister had been single for ten years with her two and things are much better for her now. She has life and energy again, both of her kids in their teens. Things get better.

Be more direct with your family and ask them to take them out or suggest activities if they say no they seem fine tell them privately that they aren't happy and that you all need more support.

I think you need to find things the kids would like to do and ask family members to help out.
in future maybe it’s worth considering the kind of holiday your household would prefer.
being a single parent doesn’t have to
mean your worse off, just different.
Do what works for you.

Can you frame the question as, 'When you said you would help with the dc, what did you have in mind?'

Is there anyone in your family you can tell what your child said about wanting to go home and how upset it made you? And that it would really help if someone could take the kids off for some fun activity while you work on at least some of the days? Can you do more with them in the afternoons? Holidays can be really tough as a single parent though. Don't beat yourself up about it.

You have my sympathy op.
What is everyone else doing whilst you are working and the dcs are on their tablets?
I agree about seeing if you can work later in the evenings or even cancelling working next week.

This won't help in this moment but just to say it does get easier as they get older x

Thank you everyone. It really helps just to hear that it's normal to struggle. I don't know any other single parents so have noone else who understands. To answer some questions... Most people are asleep until late morning or on their phones/relaxing. I guess they're on holiday too so don't exactly want to be minding my kids. My dad is up and about but very much does his thing (he's the one who lives here and invited us). In fact, he's being really grumpy.
I can't even get 2 mins to sit down and reply on here without someone needing me 😣

I feel the same about being a single parent.
I hate when people will say they will help and don't follow through, I suspect you wouldn't have gone on the holiday if they didn't offer their help in the first place.

I would ask again or maybe get the kids to say "hey can we come with you today while mummy does some work?"

I have absolutely no help with mine (10 and 2) so it's me all the time for everything and it's so exhausting and lonely.
Sending you a massive hug and I hope you get to enjoy your holiday 🤗