My husband is not attracted to me

[Jigglybellywoes]

I had a baby 2 months ago. With each pregnancy so far I’ve gained a fair bit (2-3 stone) and then lost it all within a year. With the other pregnancies he still seemed to find me attractive. This time I am trying so so so hard to lose the weight and it’s very clear from the total lack of physical contact and intimacy that he is repulsed by me. I’ve made a few comments re sex and he has not acted on them.

i don’t really want to initiate things as it’s starting to make me feel really quite depressed and unattractive that he’s not interested. I understand it’s not the most fantastic body after labour but I’m trying so hard and surely he knows it’s temporary?

just feeling very sorry for myself

I’m feeling a bit of sympathy for your husband …

Thing is, in a LTR (I have been with my husband for 20 years, married 18), there are times that you are intimate, and times you are not as intimate. Could be for any number of reasons .. tired, stressed, bad body image, depressed - all sorts of stuff. Peaks and troughs.

Sex isn’t an indicator of how much someone loves you .. in my single days I had lots of sex with various people, I didn’t love any of them .. I didn’t even like a couple of them.

Spend time enjoying the baby, and enjoying being a family, don’t push the sex thing. Give him a hug, and ask for one if you feel you want one (I am married to someone on the Spectrum, so quite used to saying “oi give us a hug” .

You've had a baby recently and that is massively disruptive to sleep, not just yourself but him, and a readjustment time is needed. He probably feels under pressure financially, sleep deprived, tired and just not interested in sex at the moment. Don't take it personally. Talk to him and things will get better

It's been TWO months

You've only been cleared to have sex for two weeks, I wouldn't panic or worry yet. I love my husband very much and find him very attractive but my sex drive dips and flows. It is never anything to do with how attractive I find him or how much I love him x

I would just like to say our baby is an amazing sleeper! And DH does very little with him - I was in no way interested in sex after the other two as they didn’t sleep but I have not been this well rested in years and neither has DH 😃

thank you for all the helpful comments. @Penguinsaregreat i really don’t know what you’re talking about but please stop incorrectly projecting!

i spoke to DH and I am feeling a lot better!

I’m just thinking it might be your personality your husband might have an issue with…..

Catlover1970 Bore off.

Hello OP,

I was reading through this thread and felt so upset reading some of the replies. I am pretty sure you are not looking for the ultimate solution but rather someone to understand your situation and help you by listening to your concerns.

I completely understand where you are coming from and I think it is awful to feel unattractive towards the man you love! Especially at an extremely vulnerable time like this when you do not feel yourself.

I too am going through similar situation but I am 32 weeks pregnant and my husband has told me he just simply is not attracted to me atm. It really did hurt and cut deep. I first noticed him being much less affectionate towards me and so I can see why you would be worried about this.

I too wish I had never asked him as I feel the answer has hurt me more that the unknown. I plan to just focus on myself up until the birth and then on my daughter when she arrives.

I don't have much advice for me but I felt like I wanted to tell you that you are not alone.

xxx