Missing my kids

[Fourhorses]

We’ve been separated for almost a month. It’s the middle of the night and I am missing my kids as they’re with their Dad. I’m sure they’re fine, but I know they’re confused (3 and 6) and that breaks my heart. How do I make it easier for them?

I wish I could get over feeling like I’ve given them a second rate life. They’re being so brave but I don’t want them to have to be so brave.

I feel for you it's just so hard. So many mums around the world feel for you. Everything seems worse in the middle of the night. Try to get a little sleep. Maybe make a herbal tea and then put on a meditation app to calm your mind and ease the heartache. Your kids are lucky to have you xx

Hi, I'm in the process of separating from my husband, we're still in the same house but I'm getting out and he's been away with them quite a bit over summer. I can keep strong when they are here but I feel your pain, I miss them so much when they are not here and it's the only time I question what I'm doing. It's all for the best in the long run. You're very brave and sound like a wonderful mum. Thinking of you, it's so hard x (mine are 4 and 6 so similar ages)

It's the worse thing about divorcing for me
I don't miss him at all
I'm making sure I try to fill my child free time
I've joined all the social apps for when my friends aren't available
You need to keep busy

As for them I think you just need to make sure you both love them and that hasn't changed
I don't know what your situation is but I'm guessing it's better for them to split time over 2 households than live in one where the parents don't get on
I feel guilty sometimes . I really should have have chosen a better man to have children with but maybe if I hadn't I wouldn't have had children at all and I can't imagine ds not being here now

Don’t be sad around them, or say sorry. Paint on a smile and be happy, happy, happy. They will be lead by you in this.

Thank you all for the kind comments, comforting to read them. Have them both on either side of my tonight sleeping, camping in the sitting room by the fire. I just have to grab all the moments, this one is magic xx

That sounds like bliss, OP. Enjoy your babies.

My parents (finally) separated when I was nearly 14. I was the youngest of three. I grew up wishing they would get a divorce. I could never sleep whilst they argued and my childhood was peppered with big parental rows and relationship issues. I think it's so much better to do this at the age your children are, it will be hard for you all but better to go through this at their age when they can't think about it quite so deeply. The effects of being in an unhappy household for a long time are often underestimated, IMO. I think it's easy for parents to get wrapped up in disagreements and their feelings and not realise the impact it can have over an extensive time period.

The moments you describe sound really hard. I expect those will be the worst moments you have, so cling to that and know that it will get better in time. My brother died 18 months ago and one of the things that offered a small element of comfort was the reassurance that the worst had happened/was happening and things couldn't get worse x

I understand how you feel. My ex and I split when our son was 20 months old and I missed him so much when he went to his dad. I struggled for nearly 6 months. Then I got a grip and tried to accept it. I made sure my childfree time wasn't wasted pining over my son at home alone. I made plans in advance and made sure I wasn't alone. I had amazing friends who pulled me through. I was also devastated at our relationship ending so it was the feeling of losing my family that hurt too. Giving him a life I never wanted for him (separated family). I grew up in a happy house with mum and dad and they still together now, I felt like a failure.
However, I met someone else and I have two more children, we live in a lovely house and we are all very happy. My son still goes to his dads once a week and he loves his time with him. Things will get brighter and you'll be happier but it does take time. I would say make plans and don't spend your time alone. It really helped me. X

5 years in Op and I promise you it gets so much easier.

actually replace “easier” with BETTER

I love now my time to myself. Thankfully I trust my ex implicitly with the children and know they are loved and cared for wonderfully when with him. During the alternate weekends to myself I get stuck in to housework, batch cooking, laundry and…. Seeing friends, catching up on TV and exercise.

then when children back with me - I’m rejuvenated and excited to see them

I have reached the point where I wonder whether I’m a much better mother because I have that time to myself

What’s the time split?

mine are with their father every other weekend (but he sees them twice a week as take/collects from school and often has them for the odd overnight mid week). So with me 85% of the time. My 15% to myself is quite precious!