Moody sulker

[Leomii81]

Bit of background.

My DP is currently ignoring me after a disagreement.This is a common occurance over the 12years we've been together lived together for 6.

In the early days we would argue fall out and he would sulk for day's. Not so bad now may just sulk for 1or2 day's.Hate this because I feel it's driving us apart and if he's made snide comment's about me the last thing I want to do is have sex with him. So I find myself getting teary and keeping out of his moody way. He's not very affectionate and once called me a frigid bitch in a argument.

Most of the time he's OK but when he's like this feel so anxious and tread on eggshells. Are all relationships like this. Feel so sad and alone at times. He works hard and has a stressful job but everything feels it has to be his way or the high way.

No, not all relationships are like this and you shouldn’t be tolerating this. Sulking is a coercive control technique and emotionally abusive. I couldn’t bring myself to be attracted to a sulker. Have you done the Freedom programme? Would you be happier being single?

12 years? 12 years?! Seriously, you have suffered this shit for 12 years?* *You’d get a shorter sentence for murder, OP.
There are three and a half billion men on the planet, and ooh, at least 50% of them are not emotionally abusive moody sulkers.
Ditch the bugger and look for a decent one, OP!

He's hard working, loyal trustworthy am reliable but life with him is difficult and often feels like hard work. Don't know what to do. I just seem to annoy the hell out of him

Listen to yourself. Why are you trying to find out what you are doing wrong when it's all him that's in the wrong. No, all relationships are not like this. In fact no relationships should be like this, it's abusive.
Just leave.

Have my very first LTB! Life doesn't have to be like this. You should feel happy and secure in your home, not walking on eggshells or sad and lonely.

You have the rest of your life ahead of you and it will be much happier without this sulky man child in it.

Sounds awful. Just awful. Plenty of people work hard at their jobs and are reliable in that respect - do you want to sacrifice your happiness to this one jerk because he’s not 100% wanker, just 87.5% or thereabouts?

It’s not you, it’s him.

Abusive relationships are like this.

What do you get out of this relationship now?.

You have been ground down by him over the years and continue to be so at his hands. The only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is none. It’s over because of the abuse he meets out to you. He does not treat other people like this does he?. No he does not, it’s for you the abuse is aimed at. Such men too hate women, all of them.

How can you be helped here into leaving your abuser?.

Thank u. Sometimes when it's good it's really good and we are happy. He says he loves me and I do him just it's never easy with him. If I say black he'll say white.He goes to bed early every nite as he's always exhausted due to sleep apnea so I'm always just sat on my own watching TV.

No, not all relationships are like this but the bad ones are.
I think once one of you is at the walking on eggshells stage, it’s over. I felt like this early on and stupidly stayed. Eventually got out, life was so much better but wish I’d left sooner.
Sulking is behaviour designed to manipulate.

frigid bitch

I'm surprised you're still with him after this. How much lower does he have to go???

If he feels like hard work to be around, ask yourself what percentage of the time he's like that. If it's 40 - 60% - that's bad. If it's about 70% or over, then that's not a marriage. It's a job.

Sometimes when it's good it's really good and we are happy. He says he loves me and I do him just it's never easy with him

Your relationship shouldn't be ok or good only when things are going his way. Many people are like that, but I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with them. If you feels like you are always annoying him, chances are you are always annoying him. Doesn't mean it's your fault though. Some people have part of their personalities that are suited to being a relationship, and parts that very much aren't. If he's making you feel like a nuisance all the time, that's really sad and not good for your self respect. You should feel loved, cherished and respected in a relationship.

What you are also describing here is the nice/nasty cycle of abuse which is also a continuous one.

Its like you’re talking about my recent ex. Put up with exactly the same thing for years and it only got worse as time went on. I genuinely used to wonder why he stayed with me because you wouldn’t treat someone you love that way. I used to think I was stupid and the constant criticism was justified but since leaving I know I’m not and he was the one with the problem not me. Put yourself first you don’t deserve to be treated like this. I wish you all the best luck in the world x

I'm not always easy and have issues with depression and anxiety but have sought counselling. He's very critical of a lot of things and people and has strong opinions

I was married to exactly the same type of person. I also suffer with depression and anxiety but only after being with him for a few years. He wore me down to the stage that I really believed I “didn’t have a clue” about anything. No matter how easy or hard you are he does not get to treat you like this. Stand up and walk away. Give him the shock of his life. The feeling of being able to walk around my own house without someone watching what I’m doing so he can criticise me is something every woman should feel always

I grew up with similar R.ships in family so have learnt I guess that you have ups and downs no 1 is perfect and just to let it pass and gey on with it

Your husband won't change. You, on the other hand, have an opportunity to get yourself into counselling or therapy to work through your family history and understand fully why you settle for an abusive marriage. In other words, the only thing that will get you out of this is you and your own ability to change.

If I say black he'll say white

^ There is something fundamentally wrong with him. What you said there is very telling. Ultimately you will always be wrong, deficient, disrespected in this relationship. That’s the unchangeable reality. Think about what that means. Would you put yourself through 12 minutes of this, never mind 12 years?

I don’t understand why you’d think being abused is normal or acceptable, can you get therapy and learn about standards, self respect?

Obviously dump your vile boyfriend.

You are in an abusive relationship with a very nasty piece of work.

Why are you settling for so little?

You deserve better than this awful man.

My DH is the same - it’s exhausting and draining. But I decided to stay because I wanted to be there when he saw the kids so I could support them, rather than him having 50% access to them without me there and no-one to be there for them. I’m now thinking I made the wrong decision.

Nope me and dh never do this. What your partner is doing is a well understood abusive cycle. Google about emotionally abusive relationships and stonewalling to arm yourself. Basically he needs psychological input from a professional. You need to have higher standards of what you will and won't tolerate and let him know that if this happens again it will be the end.