Is friend being selfish or do I expect to much?

[NeedAHug22]

Could do with a gentle shake about this one, I'm recovering from complicated surgery and having a really rough time with it so I don't know if I'm being a bit of princess about it!

My friend and I have been friends for 5 years and although she's been selfish in the past I thought it was behind us.
Examples of past behaviour:

• she stopped talking to me for 5 months assuming we weren't friends despite me contacting her numerous times to be ignored by her. She eventually reached out and blamed her MH. So I forgave her.

• she's taken things from me on the promise of returning it and then I won't ever see it again.

• she's quite pushy, she tries to get my son to join the same clubs as her son as she wants a lift rather than get a bus and has told me that's the reason.

Anyway, recently she went through a break up and I've been there for her through night and day. I've tried to tell her about what's going on in my life but she's ignored it. It's all about her.

The other day it was my birthday (her last birthday I baked her a cake and arranged a small party!) and she messaged me asking if it was my birthday and when I said yes all I got was "oh I didn't know" now I don't expect anything but surely a happy birthday wouldn't of been difficult?

Then on the day of my surgery (I've told her numerous times this was happening) she asked me why I was replying to her messages, when I said I had just come out of surgery she said she didn't have a clue. And hasn't checked on me since.

Am I right in thinking that this "friend" expects me to be there for her but cannot return the favour? I'm in my mid 30s and I'm starting to think I'm to old for this crap of being one sided.
I'm not even sure how to confront her.

It's not about 'right' or 'wrong' or 'confronting her'.

Stay away from people who make you question yourself.

The simple answer to the question 'Is it me??' is yes, it is you. It's you, and your personal wants and needs. If you respect yourself, you'll answer the 'Is it me??' question with 'Yes, I want something different from this, so I'm going to pull away.'

This will save you from any future instances of ill treatment, treatment that makes you feel bad, and abuse. In short, it's called respecting your own boundaries.

Have you also thought that things have not been right for quite some time now?.

She's no friend to you and you've been used by her for her own ends. She is a fake friend. What have you ever got out of such a "friendship"?.

It would be wise to block her now from being able to contact you altogether. Friends are meant to support us, not drain us.

She's not a friend

She sounds like an arsehole and definitely not a friend

She's not your friend, but an emotional vampire. These types only take, they don't give anything without gain for themselves.

You don't confront her, there's no point as she's previously shown, she'll twist it to be not her fault. Yiu gan nothing

Just walk away, block her altogether or push her right to the back of your fair-weather friends list... ie fun occasionallythat's if she actually is fun

you sound lovely & deserve a better friend 💐

Self absorbed and exploitative come to mind from your description of her. You are expecting a reciprocal relationship, perfectly normal for a friendship, she is oblivious and thoughtless about what you might need or want.

I would back off from this one. You'll be spending a lot of energy and frustration trying to 'make' her into what you would like. She's not a good fit for you, save your kindness for someone more compatible. 💐

Also get well soon!

I had a friend very much like this. For ages I contemplated confronting her, because her behaviour had really hurt me. I felt like I needed some sort of closure, but I knew if I tried to talk to her about it she'd only get defensive, I'd get frustrated, and nothing would be gained.

It can be hard when you've known someone for years, but it sounds like you've outgrown this friendship and it's time to move on and find new people who will appreciate you.

Happy belated birthday btw! Hope you're recovering well from your surgery.

I agree with and like this approach. Sharp but effective. Of course, then there is often a question or two to answer. I did this with a friend who then called me asking "have we fallen out?" (No, we had no argument. I was just sick of being the person who made the calls and effort all the time, and told her so).

She's not your friend. She expects you to be her friend, though.

I'd knock it on the head. Life's too short to surround yourself with users.

Thanks for all the comments, she's currently now acting like a victim saying she's fed up of being nice to people who treat her like dirt. I've really had enough. All I wanted was for her to remember and actually care.
Unfortunately I still have to put up with her as she works at DD school.

Oh op you deserve good friends. There's no point discussing it with her, you already know what sort of friendship is on offer and it's downright crap. Any discussion would be about getting her to act in a way she is neither interested in or able to. Just gently close it down slowly. Be busy and keep it chill. These things are best just backing off from slowly. And go make friends who are sweet and kind.

Unfortunately I still have to put up with her as she works at DD school. Sad

yeah definitely back of gently. Just cool it off nice and slow.